I'm Sorry

 I’m Sorry
    
    Fall is here with Winter just around the corner. The harvest festival in Boulder was calling so we headed east on highway 12 to enjoy the day with friends and food.
Leaving the city a coyote leaped out in front of my truck from the sagebrush next to the road. There was nothing I could do to avoid her and instantly it was dead with the thump, thump of the tires over her helpless body.
    I have been driving most of my life and in that time I have never had that kind of experience with a coyote. Sure I’ve hit rabbits, they play a kind of game where they try to run across the road just as you get close to them, especially around the full moon. I will try and avoid them if possible, but my credo is maneuver if possible but never swerve out of control and cause an accident.
    Some years ago when I moved back to Escalante I was cresting the Blues and heading down through the Upper Valley when I hit a small hawk, I stopped and picked up the bird and brought it back with me. I placed it under a new bush that I was planting to honor it for its life force.
    When ever I have an unfortunate encounter with an animal or fowl I look around me to try and see a connection between me and the animal. Sometimes I get an immediate connection because of something that is going on in my life and sometimes I get nothing. I have a book called Animal Speaks that can give me clues from a traditional Native American view. I know from past reading that a coyote is compared to a trickster, but after reviewing the reference again I found that magic is associated with the coyote, much like the raven they both connect with creator, teacher, hidden wisdom and keeper of magic. Both remind us not to become too serious and that anything is possible. If nothing seems to resonate with me I set it on a shelf and wait for more to come at a later time.
    I thought about the coyote and wondered if I was part of the coyote path, had this animal being wanted to pass on over the great veil? Was I participating in a greater scene that was unfolding? Or am I taking life too serious?
    The past few years have impacted all of us in ways that are still unfolding. I did get caught up in the politics of life and spent too much time worrying about things that I could do nothing about. I am resolving to focus on things that are closer to home, on things that I can do something about, staying positive and being happy.
    In my meditation this morning I am connecting with you Coyote and all of life … I am sorry, please forgive me, I love you, thank you.

Little farm house on the hill

 Visitors

    A number of years ago I lived in a little farm house outside of Wathena, Kansas, It was built sometime before the civil war. The property had 400 acres attached to it. The owner of the property had turned most of the acres into native grass land as the government was paying him not to farm.
    It was summer and the rolling hills of the land was blessed with deer and wild life. I wondered over those acres not knowing anything about the tiny insects or creatures that lived in the grass under foot. It wasn’t until I started itching that I noticed the little red bumps on my legs. The locals knew that when you go into the woods you always change your clothes and wear clean clothes the next day. Chiggers as I found out had blessed my walk that day and for several weeks they reminded me never to walk without spraying or changing my clothes after. I bought an old riding lawn mower and decided to mow a path around the property so that the little critters would be less of a problem.
    The path ended up being about 2 miles long and each week I would mow the path. One day as I was mowing the path I noticed on top of the hill a circle of grass that was different than the rest of the surrounding grass… I had an idea. I had been studying Native American medicine wheels and decided to make my own.
I got a string and a stake and found the center of the circle, I tied the string to the stake and extended it to the outer part of the circle and mowed a circle around the grass. I then made two more circles each smaller than the last until I finished at the center. The overall size was about 50 feet in diameter. I marked each of the compass points with a stick and a rock corresponding to the colors red, yellow, black and white. I gathered items that represented each direction, water, air, earth and fire and placed them at the cardinal points of my circle.
    At sunset this was a perfect place to observe nature and the beauty of the green rolling hills.
    My friend John was visiting one day and asked if he could walk out and see my medicine wheel, several hours later he came back with a story that made the hairs on my arms stand up. He said as he approached the circle that there were already people there. They looked like they were doing ceremony, he watched them and they looked at him and acknowledged his prescience. John was gifted with an ability to see beyond this 3D realm and said that these visitors were using “my” medicine wheel to pray. I have often wondered why I felt to make that circle or why nature seemed to talk to me as I entered that land.
    I had many spiritual experiences living on that old farm. The Ancestors also knew the sacredness of that area, I was just the latest occupant in this timeline.
    Over the years I have had the blessing of learning many lessons that nature teaches when we walk among the spirits of the land.
    We as humans only have the ability to see less than .0005 per cent of the universe around us, maybe less. Animals such as cats will seemingly stare at objects in the room that we can’t see. The dog’s ability to smell is many times greater than ours so why do we humans think that if it can’t be seen then it does’t exist?
    Let yourself drift into a mode of silence and close all your browsers, it is there we find a world of the unseen and unheard and the whole of the universe will open to us. The possibilities are unlimited as to the scope of our learning understanding.
    Too many have opted for blinders to block the unpleasantness of life, worse still are the hoards rushing to put virtual reality googles on to live in someone else’s fantasy world where we find ourselves fighting someone else’s battle. The rush of adrenaline and dopamines is addictive and it can take over our life with addiction.
    We are eternal beings living in a temporary world where fantasy and illusion can trap you in a dungeon of your own making. Make choices that will enhance your life and bring joy and happiness, it is ultimately up to you.
    What adventures lie on top of your hill waiting for you to discover? Life is short, I recently put in my order to the Universe that I want at least another 50 years, after all … I want to see how this all ends up.
    The longer I live the more I want to open the universe’s secrets just waiting to be discovered.

Plastic Flowers

    I talked with an old friend of mine today, we chatted and reflected on old memories, caught up on the current happenings and enjoyed the morning sunshine. While I am sipping coffee, I am reminded that many of my conversations these days are with people that I haven’t seen for awhile. How are the chickens? The garden? How about the water this year? Are you going to get some more firewood? I see you have a new fishing boat. How are the fish bitting?
    This weekend is memorial day celebration and so far I have already met with several old and departed friends and family. I’m not sure why I have been sensitized to these kind of conversations but I recognize the opportunity and engage.
    A couple of weeks ago I traveled to Sacramento to attend a memorial for someone that I didn’t know, this was an army buddy of my father in law. He was a commander in the Viet Nam war and made a difference in the lives of those who knew him. I got to know him through his family. But my personal conversations with him added so much more color and richness. I wished that I had known him in this life. His family felt like my family and I am sad that we live so far apart in this life.
    My ancestors often drop in, they look at the latest improvements that I have added and we recollect memories.
    Strangers often drop in that I don’t know. They can’t connect with family directly so they communicate with me. Perhaps the line is busy when they try to call upon family, I do my best to pass along the message.
    Reflections and memories are often tied to departed souls that are in other dimensions.
    It is not unusual for me to have a memory, a face or a thought pop into my mind that causes me to reflect.
    Too many people these days are tied to their electronics. They have tuned out the real sources of information and inspiration.
    We have been programed by media, politics and social programs. Religion and schools form much of our knowledge base. Much of what we learned has to be unlearned and corrected. My bank of knowledge is often challenged by new information.
    It is so important to reflect and ponder.
    Quiet time is something that we deny ourselves because we are so busy with what we term essential.
    The internet has cheated us out of a far more interesting and enriching opportunity to tune in to the real internet of knowledge.
    Teaching is best done by example.
    Turn off distractions and tune in to your own inner internet guidance.
    Most people here in Escalante go out to the cemetery and decorate the graves with plastic flowers. The boxes come out of the closet and flowers are carefully placed on the graves of the ancestors and family members. Sometimes we don’t always get our same flowers back and in about a week the boxes come back and the flowers are carefully packed  and forgotten till next year.
    This year do your self a favor and have a conversation with someone who is still very close, they watch over you, are interested in you and your life.
    How often have these guides protected us from our folly’s and foolish activities?
    How many times have our lives been saved by unseen forces?
    Give them the gratitude that they deserve, they in turns will let you know how much they love you, and if the tears flow … that is them wrapping their arms around you.Plastic  flowers

IT

What on Earth?

    What on earth is going on? That is the question that everyone is asking. I have seen a dozens of different theories pop up on the internet in the past several weeks besides the ones that have been dogging us for years through traditional history.
    So which is IT? Which one of these time lines are we going to follow? I am sure that you have your favorite guru, preacher, prophet or Ted talk that you hope will win out over all the rest. But what if there are multiple agenda’s that are running at the same time. That is my best guess at this time.
    I haven’t talked to one person yet that doesn’t believe there are behind the scenes actions going on that are hidden from the mainstream of people. We know that there are battles being waged on political, societal, religious, and moral battle gounds. The big question is what and who and why is this happening?
    The sky is falling, The end time are upon us, God is judging us, the ET’s are harvesting their crop, The Earth is rebelling against all her abuses, the scriptures are being fulfilled, Karma is going to get us. There are countless theories being thrown at us and yet we still have questions and doubts.
    I have been preparing for something my whole life and now that that something is here I am wondering still. Why am I here? What am I supposed to be doing? Where will all this lead? I am not alone and there are a lot of scared people out there.
    So … Some of my early training suggests that I shouldn’t let every wind of doctrine blow me around, that there should be a firm footing to guide me. My early life consisted of a religious background that included following the leader. I played that game both figuratively and literally. It didn’t play out very well, the one leading always seemed to going in a different direction than I wanted to go.
    There was a time when I was caught up in a group mind that believed the end time was upon us, we gathered together our emergency supplies, guns, survival gear, and families and headed down to Boulder mountain to wait out the predicted doomsday. After the first week this little group of people thought we were king of the hill, by the second week the reality of survival seemed a little less fun, by the third week people started to go back home, and by the forth week we all were glad “IT” didn’t happen.
    But now “IT” is upon us now, this time “IT” seems a lot more real. The biggest issue is the fear of the unknown. So what now?
    Years ago, there was a time when I was compelled to distance myself from all the chaos and go inside and ponder my own path. It began when I was awakened in the early hours of the morning with the very strong motivation to sit and write. I wondered why but I found a notebook and sat with my pencil and waited. Thoughts formed and I began …
    “My Son you are here for a magnificent purpose, you have been prepared for eons and are mighty before US. Be not afraid, all of this was planned before this world was. Listen to your inner voice inside and know that all is as it should be. Be at peace, breathe peace, send peace. Pray for those that are suffering, this is a time to remember who you truly are. This is not your only lifetime here upon this earth, you are well seasoned in Earth life and your past will merge with your now and you will know the answer to all your questions. Be patient, there are many agenda’s playing out on the stage of life and all are necessary for the progression of mankind. This earth is but one stopping place on your journey through the cosmos. Follow your heart and know that WE love you, WE love you, WE love you.”
    I have notebooks full of information that I received in those early morning hours, I found peace as each message formed in my mind and was put to paper. Nature began to speak to me, the trees, rocks, animals and birds shouted to me, “Go within and trust, you are LOVED, all will be well.”
    I would remind all of us in this time of uncertainty that we are all magnificent eternal Beings who are here because we chose to be here at this time and this place. Nowhere have I found information that said this journey was going to be easy, but I have found solace in knowing that it will be worth “IT.”

Quirky

    It's been nearly 10 years since my former wife left this world and in that time I have traveled many miles and many roads to find myself.
    A handful of years ago I was doing my daily routine of going to the post office to catch up on the happenings of Escalante when I ran into an acquaintance who offered me a job at the new hardware store being built. I had been watching the progress of the project and thought I might contact the owners and ask for job, a way of integrating myself back into the community after the loss of my wife.
    I once thought that I might live out the rest of my life single, even had the thought of being a hermit but that didn’t work long or feel very good and so I was open to this new opportunity.
    Being somewhat blunt and curious at the offer, I countered with my own proposal. I said I was no longer part of the local church, that’s ok she said. I said I was somewhat quirky in my ideas and they might be different than the prevailing opinions, that’s ok she said. I finally said that if a beautiful woman offered me a world tour I would quit, she agreed.
    As the building neared completion I met with the owners and became part of the team. It was just the thing to get me out of my funk and back into life once again. I met the locals and found many of them were related in one way or the other.
    As the months passed I found that 50 to 60 hours a week was more than I wanted to spend at work so I began to taper my hours to suit my lifestyle, after all I was a somewhat retired county gentleman.
    It was about this time of year, early in January five years ago that I had a premonition that something was about to change in my life. I wanted companionship and looked eagerly at each possible prospect that came into the store but without sucess. Not being able to contain my premonition to myself I shared it with the boss. “Something is coming up in my life, I don’t know what it is but I want to give you a heads up. Now would be a good time to hire some more help.” A few weeks later I had that same feeling, only stronger this time. Again I approached the boss and gave him a second heads up. “Something is coming up in my life and I am just letting you know, you really should hire some extra help.”
    A few days later I got a phone call from a dear friend, I met her 25 years earlier and made a connection that has lasted through the years. She said, “I have someone that you might like to meet. She lives in Salt Lake and has many of the same interests that you do.” She gave me her name and said that she would put us into contact with each other. The next few days were spent anticipating and doing google research to find what I could about this person. I was able to find a facebook connection but very little personal background.
    When we made contact and I could feel the instant attraction and connection, we made arrangements to meet in Salt Lake. Eagerly I prepared and headed up North with a 18 eggs from my chickens and a fresh loaf of bread as an offering.
    When I saw her it was as if we had known each other all our lives and yet we had just met. It was a magical experience and I knew my life was about to change in a major way. Over the next few days and weeks we connected in every way, I even broke my never to break promise to myself, that I would never get a cell phone. She was worth my broken promise. In my eagerness I ask her over the phone about marriage, she countered with “lets wait for the second date so I am sure what you look like.” She said yes at that second meeting and so … as I sat in the Salt Lake Cemetery contemplating the changes in my life I knew that I had to make a phone call to my boss in Escalante. I somewhat dreaded the call and hoped to somehow ease my situation by speaking to the bosses wife. Hello, came the voice on the other end, It was my boss and friend. I began, “Do you remember a conversation that we had when I started this job? And do you remember when I told you something was coming up in my life? Well … I met someone special and I am not coming back to work. I am sorry but this is more important.”
    That was five years ago and now I am about to celebrate a 5 year anniversary with my companion, wife and lover. We have had so many connections in our lives, our backgrounds have been intertwined and it has truly been an adventure and tour that I would not have missed for the world.
    My life has been remarkable because of the people I meet and the inspiration that guided my life. As I begin a new decade of adventure I look forward to seeing the best of life. With all the opportunities that cross our paths it has always been important for me to follow my heart, my passions and to follow the sense of who I am.
    Don’t be afraid to speak it out loud. It can be scary and intimidating to share your dreams, but speaking them verbally, sharing them with others, making a vision board and imagining the result has been what has worked so well for me.
   
“I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”
    In this new year, take the one less traveled by … and expect the best, for that is what you will receive.

Friends

    Almost lost a friend the other day. We were arguing over whose big brother was better.
    Sad part about my story is that we were shouting at each other almost 3000 miles apart on an electronic device.
    We as a society have been co-opted by an even bigger brother, a bully who wants to divide us by any means possible.
    Social media has given us an instant way to act or react towards any little thing that pops up on our informational feed be it Facebook, Twitter, or any one of a handful of popular social mediums.
    We have at our fingertips emoji’s, thumbs, and faces to flash our agreement or dislike.
    We have been turned into Robo-people.
    We have been used and misused.
    We are constantly being hammered into uncomfortable positions that ultimately separate us from those that we love.
    My wise friend, saw the bigger picture and reminded me that our friendship has lasted over 40 years and it was more important to preserve that friendship than to play into a mind game that only focused on separating us.
    As I watch the passing years I am beginning to see the folly’s of my younger days, but also the wisdom that comes from those years.
    Learning to let go of prejudices and a mind set from a host of programmers has made things simpler and more rewarding.
    School teachers call it education, but my own experience says it is mind control by Matrix controllers who want to use us, to feed off our negative energy.
    Religion, government and internet access to unlimited facts and fictitious information has given rise to a new human society.
    History is being rewritten by some very unsavory people.
    Without a past to guide us we are thrown to the wolves of society.
    Religion let me down many years ago by attempting to force my allegiance to an idea that no longer served me. Government has been a slippery slope that seeks to bury people in other peoples business. The internet was developed by a government deep state think tank and we are the rats running through their maze trying to find a finish, but there is no finish.
    Once we are able to rise above the maze and see the puzzle it becomes much easier to find our way.
    Our own compass can then kick in to guide us to any destination we choose.
    My best teacher has always been following my own intuition and heart.
    But sometimes we need a friendly reminder. I am grateful to my friend who reminded me that friendships are more important than running a maze.
    We are only separated by our own ignorance and lack of love.
    I recently read of an amazing experience by Hawaiian healer, Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len. He used a prayer called Ho’oponopono, to heal an entire mental ward by first healing himself.
    His words were simply this:
   
    I LOVE YOU
    I AM SORRY
    PLEASE FORGIVE ME
    THANK YOU

This prayer was offered over and over for the patients of the ward without ever seeing them physically.
    l offer this prayer to you my friends:

I love you
I am sorry   
Please forgive me
Thank you
   

Hear the Wind blow Dear

    I was awakened this morning by the sound of the wind blowing against the rain chain. The cat wanted out and then she wanted back in.
    The stove needed wood and as I waited for the fire to warm, I sat in the quiet silence of the predawn light and contemplated.    
    I don’t do that as much as I used to and I wondered why?
    We are over stimulated. I am over stimulated.
    The simple things of life have been overshadowed and buried in the electronic world of sensory overload and constant information.
    We are addicts.
    Sounds of a familiar tune kept going through my mind … Hear the wind blow dear, hear the wind blow.
     I paused and listened to the wind. What is it that I hear? Winds of change? Winds of a coming storm? A message from Nature?
    The addiction of our constant need to be informed has robbed us of the ability to listen to our inner soul.
    At times that ability has shone bright and I have found comfort in the quiet reflection of life’s experiences.
     Those experiences are now what I draw upon to navigate through these troubled waters.
    Every where we look there is something or someone who is wanting our attention. If you open the computer  there are ads designed to get our attention.                         Those little questions that show up on social media asking us which color or food or actor or vacation spot we would like best have all been used to create a virtual identity of ourselves.
    That virtual identity is held in multiple locations and programs., It contains our buying habits our pet peeves, our interests, our likes, our dislikes, who are friends are and what we eat. We have been virtually cloned down to the tiniest detail and all this information we have volunteered freely.
    It is now being used to influence and control us.
    Remember that DNA swab that you sent to a lab somewhere to tell you where your ancestors came from? That lab now owns your DNA and that information can now be added to your virtual clone, and may influence the results of your next insurance application or job interview.
    The smart phone is only one of the many ways that we are controlled, we are constantly detracted from listening to our own inner soul.
    Smart media has co-opted our ability to sit in the silence of the moment. Sound bites and vibrations are rewards that cause us to do as Pavlov's dogs, we salivate over the next electronic interaction. Our senses are overloaded so much and so often that it is impossible to sit in silence, we have been addicted to the electronic buzz.
    Holidays have been typically spent with family, sharing a meal and reflecting on life. Not so much these days. Television, videos, gaming and social media have taken the place of family time. Meals are rarely spent together at the family table and when it does happen on the rare occasion, the smart phone or devise we carry interrupts to break into family time.
    Black Friday and Cyber Monday would have meant nothing to our grandparents. Our children now carry their own smart devises and phones that fill in as baby sitters. Most everything that we do and say is filtered though an electronic medium of some sort. What ever happened to face to face conversation?
    The constant need to be informed has deformed our ability to sit in silence.
    I keep a fire ring out in the back yard, it is my version of an original TELEVISION.  I have a fire at least once a week, summer or winter. It gives me a chance to sit in silence, to look into the fire and reflect on the whirlwind of activity that flows around me.
    In the quiet of the fire, I share my stories and my visions, the things that I hold dear and sacred, my insights and lessons learned from life.
    This season is traditionally when we give thanks for the blessings that we have.
    This season I give thanks to the sounds of the wind and to the sound of silence.
    I give this gift to you …