Sunday, January 20, 2013

My quest for Truth


My quest for truth these past 20 years has opened many doors and answered many questions. The constant prayer of my heart has been to find and understand the mysteries of life and the universe. I have opened doors sometimes to find horrific and monstrous answers that will be forever engrained in my memories. I have also opened doors that have humbled my soul and given me hope in a future that is far greater than I could have hoped or prayed for ...
To know things as they really are. 
To see and be seen as we truly are. 
To understand why I am here, where I have been, and now, what I am to do ... next. 
This is my quest.
I have been disillusioned with life to the point of asking myself, what is the use of it all? 
I have asked myself, is life over? 
Would I be satisfied with all that I have experienced? Have I discovered life's greatest mystery?
What lie’s ahead, after this life?
I spent the day hiking in Earth’s beauty and nature, exploring, recording, and breathing in the cool crisp air.
While above the canyon walls a tragedy awaited to unfold.
Satisfied with my day and tired from the long walk I headed back home to relax and ponder the days journey, only to discover the power was out.
It was out for several hours and somewhere in the back of my mind I noticed a feeling that was coming closer to the surface of my consciousness. 
A foreboding feeling.
The phone rang and on the other end was a friend who was calling for comfort, reaching out to find some kind of reason for the death of her friends.
A lone plane flying low over the Hogs back portion of Highway 12. 
The area of road that some refuse to drive because of the steep unprotected road with no shoulder or guard rails. Plunging down hundreds of feet on both sides. 
Somehow this plane with two occupants collided with power lines and both men were killed.
Unaware of the instant and unforgiving nature of life’s consequences we move forward in faith, hoping to find answers and knowledge, a purpose for life. 
Never knowing from one instant to the next whether our life will be ended. 
For every action there is an opposite reaction. 
Yin and Yang. 
What we sow, we reap. 
Karma. 
What ever you want to call it. 
Life can be sudden, unpredictable, and final at a moments notice.
Is the knowledge and awareness that I have accumulated in my years upon this earth worth the price I have paid?
Will I find that my quest has been worthwhile?
Each one of us will face countless challenges in our lifetime. We will see and experience life differently than any other person. 
Our perspective will be uniquely suited to those things that we have been exposed to.
Heaven and Hell? 
Good and Evil? 
What is ultimately at the end of our life here?
Am I prepared? 
Are you prepared?
Can I say that this life has been worth the effort and sacrifice? 
All the blood, sweat and tears?
Time will tell ...
I can say that I have discovered that there is far more to this life than we can find in a book, or a classroom, or an office.
I have activated subtle and unused parts of my consciousness that are connected to something outside of myself.
God? 
The universe? 
Nature? 
A connection to the stars?
I have uncovered and begun to develop a parts of myself that I never knew existed or even dreamed about.
There are those who would try to pull me back to old habits and familiar teachings, it is not always easy to let go of the old and move forward into the unknown.
For me? 
It has made all the difference. 
I want to look behind the curtain. 
I want to see for myself how deep the rabbit hole goes. 
This has made my life fuller, richer, and more meaningful.
My path is my path alone.
Each must discover and follow their own path, their own star to discover what lies ahead and what part we may play in each others life.
My words were comforting, distracting, questioning.
I know of myself, but did my friend find the answers to bring peace to her heart? 
I hope so.