I have a dear friend who got news yesterday, that her son had died. He took his life and left a young family behind to wonder at all the why’s.
Death always capture’s our attention. When wars and the difficulties of life take people in our circle of friends it can be a difficult experience for us, but when close family members die it can be a devastating and debilitating experience.
When I was a young man living in California, I was asked to be a Boy Scout leader. I had a group of 12 to 14 year old boys to teach, and with the help of my assistant we taught skills of survival and preparedness. Over a period of months I got close to these boys and became part of an extended family. We shared activities and outdoor experiences that shaped and developed those boys towards manhood. I passed on to these boys, the skills I had learned when I was their age.
I got a phone call from one of the boys family that made my world stop for a moment. “Ryan” had shot himself and the family wanted me to speak at his funeral.
He was much like any other boy. He faced the challenges of growing up and the pressures from friends to fit in. He had been playing a game that he learned from Television. It was called Russian Roulette. He took his fathers 38 pistol and with several other boys decided to show his bravery by playing this deadly game. With only one bullet in the gun, they had a 83% chance of winning. “Ryan” lost. His spin landed on the 17% chance of loosing.
I had never spoken at a funeral and had only attended a few in my life. I called my grandfather, Lorenzo. He was a favorite speaker who everyone called when there was a death. He had spoken at hundreds of funerals for close friends and family and outlived most of them. He told me to go to the family’s home and ask them to tell me about the boys life. His mother and father told me about their memories of their son and I made notes of all their experiences. When the funeral was over I had many people thank me for my insightful words. I followed the advice of my grandfather and merely used the families own words to tell “Ryan’s” story. I only helped them remember all the good memories.
My wife, Pearlene got a call a few years ago that was similar to “Ryan’s.” Her son Jesse had died of a massive heart attack on July 4th at the age of 17. I remember her reaction vividly. As the words were spoken to her, “Jesse is dead,” she became hysterical and ran to her sister, who was in the other room.
“Jesse is dead, Jesse is dead,” she cried to her sister Aloma. As she cried out in sorrow, Aloma tried to comfort her, but Pearlene was overcome with emotion and was sobbing.
Aloma said to her, “Jesse just came into the room.”
“Why can’t I see him?” She asked.
“You are grieving too much and he can’t get through to you.”
Immediately, Pearlene stopped sobbing and got control of herself.
Jesse then said to her, “If you must cry tears for me Mom, make them tears of joy, I am happy now.”
These words comforted Pearlene and gave her a new perspective on death. She called this day, the day of independence for Jesse.
Jesse had been injecting steroids to build up his bulk. He had been doing what many others in his High School were doing. Jesse’s heart could not take the stress and stopped.
When we attended the funeral it was easy to pick out those who were also using steroids. The bulging muscles were not worth the price that Jesse paid. The family chose to reveal the reason Jesse had died in hopes that others might learn from his sad experience.
I was watching the news several months ago and heard a frightening statistic on suicides.
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On average, 340 Utah residents die, 1,040 are hospitalized, and 2,650 are treated in emergency departments because of suicide and attempted suicide each year. From 2001-2005, 1,708 Utah residents committed suicide, making it the eighth leading cause of death. For more information please see the Utah Suicide Fact Sheet.
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The use of antidepressants among our country is at an unprecedented high.
Why are there so many wanting to check out?
Why is there so much antidepressant use in our hospitals and communities?
Why are so many, so unhappy?
Are the pressures of our modern society causing these problems?
Is our need to compete and excel over others placing unfair and unbalanced pressures on us?
Is it time to return to simpler ways of life?
Are we taking the time to really communicate with each other on an intimate one on one experience? Not through texting or notes left on the fridge.
Life is precious and death and the causes of death can be a wake up call to look at our lives and make changes while there is still time.
The experiences of death can bring families together. Our spiritual advancement can be greatly accelerated when the doors are open between worlds. As family members pass on to higher realms, we have a choice to focus on the negative aspects of their death, or we can focus on the positive learning experience. It can help us to appreciate the opportunities to change, for the better. Death can help us put into perspective, important things that we often ignore.
We may not see the reasons behind the actions of others around us. We many not agree with their choices, but we can learn from their choices and make our lives more meaningful by placing our priorities in perspective.
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