My heart swelled

A recent event at the Mormon General conference triggered  memory that happened to me over 25 years ago.

Yesterday, a lone voice in the vast audience of members in the Salt Lake Conference center called out, “STOP PROTECTING SEXUAL PREDATORS, 

STOP PROTECTING SEXUAL PREDATORS,

STOP PROTECTING SEXUAL PREDATORS.”

My heart swelled.

In 1992 I Lived in the small community of Manti Utah. I found a common theme among many of the people there, they had all felt the abuse of their church leaders.

I was given a copy of a paper distributed by Malcolm Jepson, a member of the General Authorities in the Utah central area. The paper was titled, WE SHALL NOT BE LED ASTRAY - III. 

He had called a special meeting for Bishops and Stake Presidents to inform them that members who followed certain principal would be in suspect of being apostates.

I watched as my neighbors were called in one by one by the local bishops in Manti. They were asked the same questions in their interviews. I determined not to allow the same harassment to happen to me so I contacted the bishop and ask for a meeting. I told him to either stop harassing me or hold a court to determine my worthiness.

In the meantime I decided to attend a stake conference where Neil Maxwell would be attending. I dressed in my best suit and tie and got to the meeting early to get a seat near the front of the chapel.

I wondered at the time why I was dogged by several men who kept close to me. Now I know.

As the time came to sustain the leaders of the church, my heart began to pound inside my chest for I had determined to appose the leaders in public for their unrighteous actions against me and my friends. 

With the usual blah, blah, blah, the stake president read off the names of the various leaders and then asked for a raise of the hand. 

All in favor?

All Apposed? 

There it was … that was my cue. I stood and raised my hand … nothing, Greg Maylett, the stake president, ignored me. Each time a vote was called for, I did the same but to no avail. I was ignored each time.

A few days later I received a letter from the stake president asking me to appear before a disciplinary council.

I don’t think many in my family or friends know why I was excommunicated that night. 

It was because I took a stand against those church leaders who abused their power and terrorized members who asked the hard questions and who voiced any opposition.

I kept a copy of that paper given to Bishops and
Stake Presidents, the one used to cleanse the church. The Salt Lake Tribune called it a witch hunt.

Here is the list:

Profile of the Splinter Group Members of Others with Troublesome Ideologies.

They follow the practice of home school.

There is a preoccupation with the end of the world and the events preceding the coming of the Savior.

Many have John Birch membership of leanings.

Many do not work and have no jobs.

They study the mysteries, feeling that what is provided in our meetings today is superficial.

They meet in study groups.

They listen to tapes such as the “Bo Gritz” tapes and others about such topics as Armageddon.

They are inordinately preoccupied with food storage.

They feel and teach that there is a great conspiracy, that the government is corrupt and that you can trust few people.

They feel many of the members and Church leaders have gone astray.

They feel that President Benson’s counselors have muzzled the prophet so that he cannot tell us the things he would like to tell us, especially about the last days.

They staunchly profess that they sustain the prophet and local leaders, but when asked to stop doing certain things, like meeting in groups to study the mysteries, they tell you straight out they will have to take the matter to the Lord to see what He tells them before they will agree.

Some have met or are meeting with leaders of the Church of the Firstborn.

They believe we must be super spiritual to know the will of God or even our leaders may lead us astray.

They read the books of Avraham Gileadi and other materials which are unapproved by the Church.

Many of these folks are on state welfare and others to try to obtain Church welfare.

We observe that many of these people reportedly have visions and dreams which they share with group members but not priesthood leaders.

The element of plural marriage, though seldom spoken of outside this group, continues to surface as a part of the belief structure of many.

Some have held prayer circles in full temple clothing outside the temple.

While this practice has now been stopped, some of these folk would linger in the celestial room of the Manti Temple for hours to teach one another.

I thank my good friend, Lee Thurston for giving me a copy of this letter so many years ago. It showed me his courage and the fear that leaders of the church face when they are not followed obediently and blindly.

“When our leaders speak, the thinking has been done. When they propose a plan–it is God’s plan. When they point the way, there is no other which is safe. When they give direction, it should mark the end of controversy. God works in no other way. To think otherwise, without immediate repentance, may cost one his faith, may destroy his testimony, and leave him a stranger to the kingdom of God.”  https://www.fairmormon.org/archive/publications/when-the-prophet-speaks-is-the-thinking-done

This statement originally appeared in the Improvement Era, in June 1945, as the Ward Teaching message for the month. 

Brain Dead

My evening strolls give me an opportunity to reset with nature. Last week on one of these walks I saw 3 different people using toxic sprays to kill weeds and bugs. My patience with these people is Nil. 

During my time at the local Do it Best store I had to deal with brain dead morons who wanted to kill anything that moved or grew. It infuriated me that they were so uncaring. I called the isle where the poisons, pesticides and weed killers were, Death Row. I tried in vain to get the hardware store to stop selling these products. The registers were next to Death Row and I had to smell these toxic substances when ever I worked the registers. I suggested a ventilation fan to clear out the toxic smell and off gassing from all the packaged goods. That suggestion was ignored. I always tried to substitute a gentler less toxic product to customers, but mostly in vain.

All this came flooding back when I watched these uneducated, uncaring neighbors spray toxic poisons.

I confronted one neighbor and asked what she was spraying? 

2-4 D.

        Do you know what's in it?

        Yes, I am from Nebraska.

I asked if she had children or pets? 

I asked if she knew that  2-4 D was used in Viet Nam and caused birth defects? 

I asked if she knew that it could permanently cause DNA damage that could be passed down to her children as well as sicken her dogs? 

Do you know what she said? 

I DON’T CARE!

I was in Lava Hot Springs last month soaking in the water, it was glorious. While there I was eating some street food from the big bus next to the park. Great tacos by the way. Anyway, in walked an older woman wearing a Monsanto uniform. I watched as she ordered her food and  then sat next to me waiting for her food. Several minutes passed by in silence then I couldn’t resist any longer. 

How do you like working for Monsanto? 

After a short pause she said it was a good place to work.

What kind of work do you do?  

I service the big trucks that haul dirt. Our plant digs the dirt and it gets sent to another plant. 

I asked was she aware of the toxic nature of Monsanto products? 

She paused before speaking and then feeling more comfortable with our conversation began to reveal that she had only a few years before retirement and will be glad to leave Monsanto. She started unloading on the evil nature of the company and the executives. She is afraid to say anything at work that might get her fired but said as an insider she was watching very carefully.

One of my neighbors last week was spraying Round Up, one of Monsanto’s products.

Do you know what is even worse? 

Two of the people were health care practitioners, one a Hospice Worker and one a Registered Nurse, the last person worked for the Bureau of Land Management.

How is it that people risk permanent DNA damage and lasting health problems by using these products? 

Is It ignorance? 

Stupidity? 

Education? 

Or just plain brain dead zombies?

Last week the city of Escalante paid Bulls Eye Pest Control to spray the city lawns. I checked with the owner and found out that the product they were spraying is Suspend SC, an insecticide. I looked up the company website and read the spec sheet. 

“Hazards to humans and domestic animals” is the first statement on the sheet.

I have chickens, bees and my family and I am concerned about my health.

For two days the smell caused me to have burning eyes and burning lungs. The smell still lingers after nearly two weeks. 

I filed a complaint against the city of Escalante for breaking their own city ordinance. 

I am waiting for a response …

What will it take for people to stop killing?

There are alternatives to killer poisons. 

Here is one off the internet …

Weed-Be-Gone

1 Gallon Vinegar

2 Cups Epson Salt

1/4 Cup Dawn Dish Soap (blue original)

It will kill anything you spray it on. Just mix and spray in the morning after the dew has evaporated. Walk away. Go back after dinner and the  weeds are all gone.

Maybe I’ll spray the neighbors … Nah, they are already brain dead.

Unfriended

Unfriended

To my former childhood friend … and to all would be friends, virtual and otherwise.

I have a rule in my life, one that I pretty much stick too.

It’s the 3 strikes you are out rule. Some have called it the no asshole rule.

When Facebook became popular I joined in. First because I was curious and second to find old friends from my early life.

One by one I friended those with whom I had memories and history.

Sometimes I would friend a stranger who had similar thoughts and ideas, those strangers became my friends.

A few years ago I got a request to friend an old acquaintance, I accepted. Almost at once this “old friend” began shooting insults and barbs. I tried to ignore but his words were hurtful. I unfriended him. Again came the request to be a Facebook friend, once again I accepted. I hopped for better. Wrong, soon came the same hurtful words so I unfriended him again. When the third request came with promises to do better, I decided I would friend him but monitor him closely. Unfortunately he followed the same negative pattern. Hence the 3 strike rule became my motto for the future.

Several “friends and relatives” have been unfriended by my 3 strike rule. It’s my way of protecting myself from unwanted negative energy.

I have wondered about my friend at times. I heard him describe how he lost his virginity in a darkened party bedroom waiting his “turn.” I watched how he partied with the wild bunch on Center street. I watched him find and marry a sweetheart of a girl who helped him to see better things in life. He “got” religion and followed a very different path. I met up with him 20 years later in the small town of Snowflake. He had changed, I had changed. I could tell he was troubled by my “story.”

I grew up in mainstream Provo and followed the straight and narrow. For 20 years I was the ultimate follower of the Church, and then I had an epiphany. 

I became a free agent, I sought after the mysteries of life and followed my heart.

I don’t like judgmental people, I do my best to avoid any judgements. My life path has taught me that what I put out, I get back.

I have unfriended many “friends” over the years that have been a part of my Facebook experience. It is my way of protecting my self from the negative people. They may be good people, but they choose to see the bad in life. 

There is plenty of bad around, but there is plenty of good too. And that is what I choose to see. The PollyAnna way.

Some may say It is too simplistic.

Recent scientific studies have shown that thought can change our very DNA.

Thoughts are powerful and where our attention goes, energy flows.

We are each powerful transmitters of energy. Others can feel and sense our moods and we can feel the moods and energy of others. 

Be careful of the signals that you send out, the Universe is listening and will respond with like energy.

Be mind full of the programs you watch and the people that you associate with, you are constantly being shaped by those you follow.

To my “old friend,’ I can no longer trust you or your intentions. You have met my 3 strike, no asshole rule and you are out.

Still, I send you best wishes and hope you find happiness in life.

Light Tresspass

Light Trespass

That is the proper term when an individual or government entity installs lights that invade your privacy.

This subject brings more enmity in city council meetings than most other items.

Several years ago when I approached city council to consider removing a street light in front of my house, I was met with criticism and negativity, mostly from uninformed people who were looking for any reason to complain.

The former Mayor and newly elected County commissioner suggested that problematic street lights in his day were shot out.

That was then.

This is now.

Last month my neighbor had Garkane install a new LED street light on a city pole adjacent to their property.

The light lit up my entire backyard. 

I wrote a letter to my neighbors voicing my objections and concerns.

The next email went to Garkane to inform them that I objected to the street light and wanted it removed.

Then I waited.

And waited.

Nothing, no response from either party.

I mulled over the advice that the former Mayor gave at city council several years ago.

No, I won’t go that route.

I called the CEO of Garkane, Dan McClendon and voiced my concern.

Then I waited.

Nothing.

I called again, this time apologies and promises to look into the matter.

I waited.

Finally a phone call from Casey the operations manager gave me hope that I had reached a listening ear. He let me know that he was looking into the matter.

I waited.

And waited.

Finally, several weeks later I got a calls from Casey and Dan to inform me that they had a possible solution and Casey would be out later that evening.

8:30 PM

Knock at the door … three Garkane employees working overtime informed me that they had a possible solution and were there to try it out.

9:00 PM

A shield to confine the light to the neighbors property was installed.

Success!

So … If you have a bothersome street light, what should you do? 

I can’t give you that answer, but here are some suggestions.

Don’t panic

Write a letter to all party’s involved voicing your concern and any possible solutions.

Persistence and the sticky wheel will get the grease.

Speak kindly and show appreciation.

Sometimes it takes weeks to get things through the proper channels.

Sometimes you have to go to the top to get solutions.

Final follow up: Dan McClendon called me this afternoon to get my feedback and any possible suggestions. He said they were working to find solutions to future conflicts with light pollution. He suggested that anyone having similar problems with light trespass call him directly and he will work with them to find a solution.

Thank you Dan and Casey at Garkane.

What do you want?

What do you want?

Why are so many people looking outside of themselves to find answers to the problems that face them?

Why are we so obsessed with what someone else is doing or saying?

The current state of the world around us is only a reflection of what is happening in our own life.

We will only find inner peace by fighting the inner demons and the unresolved conflicts deep inside us. 

Do you have triggers?

What are your triggers?

When we are triggered by what someone or something on the outside says or does, it is a indication that we have unresolved issues.

Peace of mind, of the soul, can only be found by looking within the dark recesses of our own mind and soul.

The conflicts on the world level are only reflecting conflicts on the national level. 

The conflicts on the national level are only reflections on the local level. 

The conflicts on the local level are only reflections of what is unresolved within ourselves.

It become obvious that in order to solve anything at all we need to begin with ourself.

That’s a hard one to face because there is no one else to blame for the unrest in our life.

We are constantly being bombarded by signals that are being broadcast by cell phones, radio waves, micro waves and cosmic waves. 

Each of these frequencies affect us and shape our perceptions of the world around us. 

We broadcast our own very powerful signal with a very real affect on the world around us.

When we tune into the outside world we are attracting energy from whatever we focus on. That energy affects and alters our perceptions and our physical body. 

Our moods are constantly being influenced by subtle and not so subtle energies.

We are powerful beings that are capable of creating and doing anything we set our intentions and focus upon.

Why are we wasting it on foolish creations?

When we look to the outside world to shape our moods and efforts we are giving up our power to the outside world.

I have been witness to an unbelievable onslaught of negative behavior by people who have given their power over to outside influences.

It happens on all levels, from a world level down to a personal level.

It is time to take our power back by first looking inside.

Stop the blaming.

Introspection is what is needed.

Introspection begins when we finally realize that we are the ones to blame for the unrest we feel.

If you want peace in your life, you must be peace.

If you want quiet in your life, you must quit shouting.

If you want cooperation you must first learn to cooperate.

Think about this for a moment … 

What do you want out of life?

Are you willing to do what is necessary to make that happen?

Are you willing to stop blaming others and look within?

Make a choice.

Follow your own path or be content to allow others to choose for you.

I read a rather long ranting post about what someone will not do, it shows the unrest and effect that the outside world has had on this person. It was signed by one hundred other people. The main theme was, “I will not work together.” 

Sadly, this is the state for many people … they will not work together.

Look at the outside world and you will see that people cluster together to bolster their cause.

People who are sick and tired find comfort in others who are sick and tired too.

What will you do?

Will you be willing to do what is necessary to find the peace you seek.

Maybe you don’t want peace in your life … maybe you like the drama and unrest the world offers. If so, you are directly responsible for your own misery. 

Does misery love company? It sadly seems so in many cases.
When I look at the media and see popular programs focusing on police and detective drama, followed by fake news, followed by disaster and apocalypse themed movies, followed by war, vampire and zombie movies, I see a future that I want no part in.

Don’t be afraid to unfriend negative people, there are very real vampires who thrive on misery.

The feeling part of my guidance system has served me well over these past years.

If it feels good, I move towards it.

If it feels bad, I move away and avoid it.

Simple radar.

Who do you hang out with?

Look at your peers, who are they? What do they promote? Do they make you feel comfortable?

There are very real consequences for the paths we choose, both emotional and physical.

I came across a book years ago that made a lot of sense to me. It is called, Feelings buried alive never die … by Karol K. Truman. Her premise is that many of the health problems that we deal with are based in unresolved conflicts. I would highly recommend this to anyone who is seeking peace.

Social media is a powerful force that can be used for empowering or controlling. 

Before you choose, remember … YOU are a Powerful Being.

Focus on what you want … not on what you don’t want.

Editing Life

Editing Life

I found myself sitting at the computer the other day editing photos.

During the session I rotated photos that were not upright, I color corrected the dull ones and deleted any that I didn’t want to keep. There were some that I cropped to eliminate unwanted people or background. I put them into categories so that I could find and watch them in a slide show later. When I was satisfied I closed the program and went on to other things.

Not long after I finished, my mind began to form an idea, I began to see a comparison with my photo session and how I have edited the things in my life.

We all do.

Its the way humans are able to find form and reason with the experiences that we have each day.

Selective memory is what I call it.

When I am focused on doing the best I can, I decide on what I want to experience at the beginning of each day then review at the end of the day how well I did.

There are always variables to consider and the unexpected events that seem to surprise me but all in all I find each day fulfilling.

OK, there are those times that things don’t go as expected and I end up in a whole different direction with unexpected results. 

When those kind of things happen, I edit.

I mean, don’t you?

Selective Memory, it is a convenient way to forget the not so good experiences and focus on the good stuff.

Come on, admit it.

We all do it.

I do.

We take the programs of life and erase the bad stuff, color correct the dull scenes, crop out the people, experiences or events that have made our life so miserable and highlight the good stuff.

Sometimes that is the best approach, but just as likely, it may be a good thing to remember the bad shots so we don’t make the same mistakes again.

If I were to completely wipe all unpleasant memories I would have lost a mountain of learning experiences and the life lessons would be lost.

No, I don’t think I will wipe all memories, but some selective editing is probably a good thing in all our lives and along with that photo editing we should add a prospective and dialogue to help us should we have a similar experience show up again.

Life lessons … they are important to pay attention to.

Without a perspective on how actions affect our lives we could repeat things over and over, a kind of Groundhog day.

When I see the same experience in my life again, I eventually get around to asking myself, what is it that I have missed?

Did I not learn the lesson of that life event?

It is always easier to see others and their challenges than it is to see our own.

Often the hardest thing to do is to admit our own mistakes.

Don’t be so hard on yourself. 

Don’t be so quick to judge yourself wrongly.

Allow the experience to be processed by your inner soul and allow the lesson to be merged into your life stream.

Editing photos or life comes with the road of life. 

Before we act, it would be wisdom to see how each has added to the rich fullness of our everyday experience. It is entirely up to us how we color, crop, enhance or eliminate entirely the experience.

But the very act of deleting unpleasant parts of our life can cheat us of the richness of life here on planet Earth.

After all, what would life be with only the good stuff? 

We wouldn’t have a comparison to learn from.

You get to choose the kind of life you have

What is it that makes you happy?

Sitting at the kitchen table this morning I am reflecting on what makes me happy.

I have most of my ducks in a row and the most pressing thing on my plate today is whether to have my second cup of coffee now or later.

What is it that makes me happy?

What is it that makes you happy?

I tried following the sparkly bobble that society said would make me happy, you know … the big house, the new car, the top position in the company, the church, or the community. 

But guess what?

None of that worked for me.

The carrot trick was a lie, and is for all of us.

The only thing that can make me happy is …. well, me!

No one else can make that happen for us.

Not your companion, your children, not your work place or your church or community.

About the time I turned 40, I had had it with main stream society. 

Their lies had taken its toll on me and I no longer believed their justifications and reasons of why I had to stay in their system.

Most parents are parroting their parents and mostly in ignorance pass on to their kids the same broken lies and myths that they were told.

As children we get to learn the sad truths that there is no Santa Claus, no Easter bunny, no Sand man, no Tooth fairy, and so on and so on.

And at a point in life, I began to question everything. That is where I began my trip down the rabbit hole and wholly cow, we have been lied to by every entity, leader, and teacher. We find out our heroes were made up stories, or at best, greatly exaggerated tales. 

Governments are responsible for creating war machines to suck money down a black hole. Religions are no better than corporations for profit with us paying the bill and then feeling guilty for not paying more. Schools are prisons for our children where original thoughts are smothered and children programed to follow the same broken system and carrot trick. Teachers are wardens and mostly concerned with being able to mark the appropriate box with an X.

So … here I sit contemplating whether to have my second cup of coffee.

What make me happy?

I do! 

When I began to delete the friends, teachers, and leaders that propagate the lies, and distance myself from neighbors and family that promote the old ways, my life became calm and my vision began to clear. 

When I finally figured this out, it all became crystal clear that I have two choices each day …

Whether to be happy or not?

Not all days are happy, sometimes I get caught in the webs that are left and forget the great lesson of life.

But sooner or later my heart lets me know that I must find that inner peace within and walk my path and walk my talk.

Life is what we make of it, not what others do or say.

I get to choose what kind of life I have!

And you get to choose the kind of life you have.

I think I’ll have that second cup of coffee now …

What will you do?