Downwinder

Downwinder

I am writing this from a personal level. My wife was a downwinder. I say was, because she died from being exposed to a fiendish plan of the United States Government. 

The first nuclear weapons test at the Nevada Proving Ground took place on January 27, 1951 about 65 miles northwest of Las Vegas. 

In 1962, 140 nuclear bombs later, the tests were moved underground.

History has shown us that government can not be trusted to act on our best welfare.

They have repeatedly used us as Guinea pigs in a multitude of experimental tests. Most being done without our knowledge or consent.

Current tests are being done on our military on an ongoing basis.

My own wife, Pearlene lived in a small community in Northern Arizona. She was doing what other little girls and boys were doing: going to school, playing outside, and growing up. What she didn’t know is that less than 400 miles away, nuclear bombs were being detonated by war mongering men and women who were only doing their jobs.

Harry S Truman was president. He allowed and supported nuclear testing under his administration.

So did Dwight D. Eisenhower, who was president from 1954-1961.

John F Kennedy became president in 1962. Under his administration, the testing was stopped.

I was also affected by the radiation fallout during that time. I was living in Escalante, Utah in 1955 until 1960.

There have been thousands of needless deaths because of this policy.

in 1997 the National Cancer Institute found that much of the nation was blanketed with fallout from the atmospheric tests performed in Nevada from 1951 to 1962. Most of it was concentrated in Nevada, Utah and Arizona, within 300 miles of the proving ground.

I am a little bit angry at the waste of precious lives, especially  for those close to me.

The government has set up a compensation program to pay off the families of those who were and are still being affected by this diabolical program. 

It is little consolation.

My biggest concern is that those who were individually responsible for these actions remain mostly anonymous, under the cloak of national security or only listed as government employees.

“I was only doing my job,” does little to excuse someone of gross negligence or criminal activity.

I lived in Albuquerque, New Mexico for 5 years and during that time I learned that there are more nuclear bombs under that city than anywhere on the planet.

I went to a party in Albuquerque and during the small talk I ask several people what they did for a living. 

The Answer?

I make WMD’s. 

Weapons of mass destruction.

I was shocked!

It is time to wake up, pull our head out of the sand, and take a stand for right.

If you support in any way, programs that endorse or support these kinds of government programs, it should review your priorities.

“But, I only put the parts together.”

“I didn’t know.”

“We only supply the electrical circuits.”

Excuses like this will not stand up when the deaths continue to mount in program after program.

Today, is National Downwinders Day.

Last year, the U.S. Senate voted unanimously to honor downwinders with a special day of recognition.

Yea!? 

Most are dead!

My sweetheart is gone. All she did was to stand on a corner in Winslow Arizona.

To the Woman of my dreams

To the woman of my dreams:

I have already met you in my dreams. You visit me when my guard is down and I am most open to receive you.

You have captured my heart.

My waking hours are sometimes spent in mundane chores that life requires of me. I get caught up in the everyday worries of making ends meet, and life’s distractions and I forget.

My heart keeps on reminding me to remember my prayers, to reflect on my hopes and dreams, to check in with things that matter most in life. It is in this way that we will meet in life.

I am trying to be the kind of man that you have shown me to be in my dreams. 

The years have changed me. My hair is gone. My confidence has been challenged. I am not as strong as I once was. My eyes have dimmed. My hearing has faded.

Some have encouraged me to go out into the world and look for you. They say I must leave my place of peace, my garden sanctuary. 

My heart tells me to stay here for now. I am to trust in the workings of the Universe to bring us together.

My guides assure me that even though I have changed, we will recognize each other. It will be unmistakeable when I see you and you see me.

The physical is temporary, the spiritual is forever. 

I am sorry about my hair. 

My hopes are renewed.

My strength is in my heart.

My eyes are now green and focused on you.

I am listening to Spirit.

I know we will have Instant and complete love on all levels.

I made a list of things that I would like to have in a life partner. It isn’t very long. At the top of that list is spiritual compatibility. Someone who will have similar dreams and goals. Someone who I can inspire and who can inspire me to want to become more than I am.

Non-judgmental of me and others.

Beauty is important, but not the outer beauty that the world recognizes. Inner beauty of the heart and soul.

I know that you travel light, you long ago left your baggage behind.

Laughter is important, because life isn’t alway fair. 

A smile.

A sparkle.

These are things that you have already shown my in my dreams.

I am looking forward to meeting you. 

I promise to focus more on important things, so that I can be ready when we see each other.

Adventure is in our future. Discovery of life and its mysteries. 

Travel calls out to us and together we will explore the unexplored.

I trust in you because you trust in me.

The power of the heart is strong. 

I know, that you know ... I am here.

The boundaries between us are falling alway, I know you are close.

Soon, my Love, so very soon ...

The Universe has told me you are amazing and that the waiting will be worth it.

I promise you the same ...

Heyoka

Heyoka

I met Tommy Roubideux on the walkway between the parking lot and bear mountain. We had received special permission to enter the Native American sacred site from the visitors center. 

Bear Butte State park is located 8 miles from Sturgis, South Dakota. We heard about it from a freeway rest stop not far from Devils Tower.

Both my wife and I were immediately drawn to leave the freeway and drive to Bear Butte.

We could feel the ancient spirits as we neared the park. 

It was the spirits of the mountain calling to us. 

We found signs restricting outsiders from entering the sacred area.

We reasoned with the ranger for several minutes to get permission. She asked if our visit was of a spiritual nature. 

It was. 

We had been invited by the mountain spirits.

We walked down the path toward the mountain.

A fire several years earlier had burned the mountain and left the trees blackened. We saw hundreds of colored pieces of cloth tied to the trees with small pouches tied to the branches. 

We saw smoke rising from a fire where rocks were being heated for a sweat.

The spirits were strong there on the mountain. I could feel the sacredness of this area. Together with my wife we gave thanks to the mountain for the invitation. 

We left our blessings and offering on a stone bust of Frank Fools Crow. As I was turning to leave and return to the car I heard a message...

“Take the pipestone, it is a gift to you.”

Pipestone is sacred to the Native American people. It is quarried from Pipestone, Minnesota. It is used to make the sacred pipes that are used in ceremonies.

Someone else had placed that offering and I was being offered a gift with a gift. 

It was a rough cutout of the red hardened stone in the shape of a pipe.

“You are like the stone, rough and unpolished.”

I heard the words echoing as we approached our car.

Tommy met us there and ask where we were from. 

“Wathena, Kansas.”

“I know that area, my family helped settled St Joseph, Missouri.”  

“Would you be interested in attending a Sundance later this month at the Rosebud Indian Reservation?”

We told Tommy we would call and let him know.

It was the end of July, the hottest time of the year as we entered the parking lot at Rosebud. There were already many cars and campsites. We asked around and found Tommy’s camp. He introduced us to others who were there. He said we were his special guests.

Tommy was a medicine man, a Heyoka.

Tommy also had cancer. He was here to dance.

The drums were reverberating through the camp when we walked down to the sun dance circle. It was hot. The sun dance was held during this time to test the endurance of the participants. It was in the mid 90’s. We found shade under the canopy of limbs that had been placed around the circle.

The circle was approximately 75 feet wide. The entrance was facing the rising sun. In the center of the circle was a cottonwood tree. Attached to the cottonwood tree was each participants cord or rope. Earlier in the week, the tribe had gone out to choose a special tree. It was not allowed to touch the ground after being cut and was carried back to the circle where it was placed in the ground. The tree represents connection between earth and sky.

Before sunrise each day the drums would call the dancers to the circle. As the sun rose, they filed into the circle, dancing to the beat of the drum. On this day there were men and women, young and old, dancing together. Both Red and White.The families and friends of each dancer sat on the outside of the circle, supporting and encouraging them. Before I could sit, sage was used to cleanse my spirit and body. Sage was used each day for all.

There was a unity that linked us all to the ceremony. The drums were beating with the heart beat of the Earth.

The Sundance is a sacred ceremony. Each dancer has prepared for a year before coming. 

Sweats, fasting, prayer, and vision quests are part of the preparation. The dance is a sacred offering to the Earth Mother and Creator. Most dancers do this 4 consecutive years. This is how each discovers his life’s work and path.

I watched each dancer in the circle closely. It was a solemn occasion.

For three days the dancers danced. At noon they were given a rest and then they continued until sundown.

Traditionally this was done without food or water. In this Sundance, water was allowed.

Sponsors of the dancers provided food for all the camp. 

Each day the drums and ceremony linked us together. I could feel my heart opening and I began to have a familiar feeling, a memory surfaced. I could feel the connection get stronger and stronger as the hours passed. The last day was piercing day. When each dancer felt completion, they walked to the center where the tree held their cord. A Medicine man made two incisions on each side of the chest for the men, or on the shoulders for the women. Two wooden pegs were inserted and the cord was attached to the pegs. The dancer would then dance away from the tree until the cord was tight and the skin was stretched out from the body, then dance toward the tree. This was repeated for as long as the dancer felt necessary, usually 5 to 10 minutes. When he felt all was accepted by Earth Mother and Creator, the dancer would lean back on the cord until the wooden pegs were ripped from the skin.

As I watched this take place, the tears were streaming down my face. I was not ashamed. My own memories had surfaced from long ago and I remembered my own Sundance. I had been asking in my prayers if I needed to participate in the next years Sundance. I was given peace and told, No. “You have already done this. It is not necessary.”

I watched Tommy come into the circle. He was pierced in the chest and the shoulders and on the back. He attached the cord and each wooden peg was pulled through the flesh. When he attached the cords to his back, he connected them to buffalo skulls, and pulled them around the circle. He was unable to break the skin and had a chubby boy sit on the skulls until he could rip the pegs from his back.

I still feel the imprint of that ceremony on my heart and soul.

I lost track of Tommy Roubideux. I tried to google him but to no avail.

I don’t know if he beat the cancer, I hope so. 

I have a reminder of that weekend. I was gifted with the ropes that tied the buffalo skulls together. They are in a place of honor. I was given an even greater gift that weekend. I was invited into an inner circle of spiritual warriors who shared with me their sacred experience. I watched and experienced the uniting of Heaven and Earth. That Heyoka spirit lives in me, I have played the clown and the rebel. 

Thank you Tommy ... even though I am rough and unpolished, I can see the future ...

http://www.nativetimes.com/life/commentary/5149-heyoka-a-man-taller-than-his-shadow

The Monarch

The Monarch

Two summers ago as the flowers began to bloom and grow fragrant, I noticed a particularly beautiful Monarch Butterfly in my yard. She was there every day with her striking colors and patterns. She seemed to belong here. I watched her fly from flower to flower gathering nectar. Her wings were graceful and the gentle opening and closing of her wings as she sat upon each flower was hypnotic to watch. 

I looked for her when I went out each day. 

This was the same summer that my Wife was struggling to stay positive with the pain of her cancer. I helped Pearlene out onto the porch where she would sit for hours watching me work in the garden and the yard.

She is the one who first noticed the Butterfly.

I held her hand and we would walk around the yard looking at each flower. 

We walked slowly and deliberately. 

She used the walking cane I had fashioned out of a coffee tree. 

She loved nature and helped me to see the beauty through her eyes.

Together we marveled as our yard was transformed into a garden of flowers and greenery. 

As the pain increased my wife spent more time in bed. 

I gave her a cow bell to ring when she needed my help and I continued to work in the garden. 

When she was able, she would sit on the porch and watch me. 

She wanted to be there by my side, but was unable to endure the bright sunlight.

I watched as her vibrant life slowly slipped away.

The bedroom became her life.

I would sit with her and describe the progress of the yard. She would ask about her flowers and the butterfly.

I began to notice the butterfly’s wings were looking worn and the colors were fading.

Then one day I found the butterfly lying on the ground, dead. I brought it in and showed my wife, she was sad. 

We talked about life and death.

When we were no longer able to treat the pain with natural remedies, we began the drugs. 

We called the family. They gathered around and together we said goodbye. It happened so fast...

When I brought her ashes back I sat and cried for a long time. I walked around the yard trying to find the joy once more. It was so quiet and I missed the sound of her laughter.

That was when my attention was drawn to my outside bedroom door. There in the corner of the door frame was an empty chrysalis casing from the Monarch Butterfly. 

That empty casing is a reminder to me that Pearlene’s spirit flies free. 

No pain

Just freedom and Joy.

Thank you Marian for reminding me ...

Caller ID

Caller ID

Hello?

Who?

Who?

I use my caller ID to prescreen my calls when someone dials my number. I can usually tell who is calling by the number that is displayed on the screen.

Area code 209?

Who is this?

I placed my number on the National Do Not Call List. It is a free service provided to help block those annoying telemarketers who call at inconvenient times. 

The police have bypassed this somehow and still want me to buy tickets or give money to support a cause for something or other. 

Intimidation.

I finally got the courage to just say no to them and to take me off their list. I have been picking up and threatening other blocked callers with being reported to the Do Not call registry. Most do not call back.

Here is a link to place your number on the National Do Not Call list.

  http://www.ftc.gov/opa/2008/04/dncfyi.shtm.

There is a glitch in the government system. Telemarketers can pay a fee to access our information.

There are exemptions for certain organizations who can still access our information for free.

I have registered my number and it does cut down on those meal time calls.

My mind drew a blank on the 209 area code.

How many other ....’s do you know?

A few...

This is .... .......!

Oh.

What now ... I thought?

My mind raced through a number of scenarios.

I want to talk to you about ...

Oh, oh!

Early last year I made a decision to clean out some closets. I sorted through unused items and threw other things out that had long ago served their usefulness. I have given things to those that can use them.

It was a resetting of my life. 

The death of my wife left a huge empty place in my heart and in my life. The last 17 years have been consumed in sharing life’s joy with my friend and lover. 

A few months ago, things shifted for me. I knew it was time to move forward again. 

I started cleaning out the closets of my life.

This phone call was the last dark corner of my life coming to the light again.

I made some choices 18 years ago to live my life in an unconventional way. I thought that I had resolved my earlier conflicts and moved into a place of balance. 

The phone call proved me wrong.

I could feel the anger and the resentment of 18 years begin to surface, I heard my self saying things that were not kind. I was far from a peaceful place for those first minutes. 

A patient and questioning voice continued to draw me out of my dark corner.

I saw myself as an observer of this conversation. I watched as I begin to calm, and soften to the words being spoken.

Truth was being voiced. 

I had been wrong.

I was wrong in my judgements.

I was wrong in trusting false information.

I was wrong in not going to the Source.

There was a new beginning for me last night. I was reminded of a prayer that I asked earlier.

“Show me any unresolved conflicts in my life so that I can move forward into the Light.”

I apologized many times last night. 

Trust will need to be rebuilt again, but the door is open to heal and move forward in a positive direction again.

I have a 16 year old son who is wanting to get his drivers license. I haven’t seen him since he was an infant. He wants to have the same last name as his brothers and sisters. They are all he has known.

I gave my consent.

I don’t apologize for my life, it has molded me into the Man I am today.

Mistakes?

A lot.

Being Human is what life is all about. This is a temporary condition that will change as we pass our self imposed tests. Tests that we ourselves created. These tests and challenges will add to the knowledge and wisdom of the Spiritual Eternal Being that lies within us all.

It is a new day for me.

The sun is shining a little more brightly today. 

The birds singing more sweetly.

My heart is lighter.

I passed through a dark night of the soul, and now on the other side, I wonder why I felt to carry it so long?

I am so grateful that I chose to pick up that call last night.

It has made all the difference.

Everlasting

Everlasting

I watched a moving story about a family who have lived for many years, It is called Tuck Everlasting. It is one of the many reminders I have had this week about time.

I quit wearing a watch over 20 years ago. I felt that time was an unkind master and I wanted to break free from the constraints that time had imposed on me. I took my alarm clock out of my bedroom last night. It was one of my final acts to free myself from man’s artificial schedule. 

The word alarm comes from the Old French À l'arme meaning "To the arms", "To the weapons", telling armed men to pick up their weapons and get ready for action, because an enemy may have suddenly appeared.

The enemy may be time itself. 

No more ...

Many of my early schooling lessons have proven to be incorrect. 

Time is one of them.

I am reflecting on my life on this beautiful January day. I can pick any memory from my past and relive that experience. The sights, sounds, the smells, the taste, the sensations, all these physical senses can be readily retrieved at will. If I close my eyes and focus my thoughts, I can interact with the experience and savor that moment.

I can also affect the future by my thoughts and intentions. I have created many events that have started out as mere dreaming. The interval between my dream and the manifestation is dependent on my ability to stay focused. 

When our dreams are aligned with Source Energy, the creation is truly miraculous.

My difficultly is staying in the moment and focusing a sustained release of energy to create my reality.

Our government has developed and created an artificial method to break through the time barrier. 

Many of the movies that entertain us are based on enlightened ideas. Hollywood has been giving us metered doses of truth filtered with fiction. 

I have been paying attention.

In August of 1943, our government was involved in a inter-dimensional time travel project. It was called the Philadelphia Experiment. Hollywood portrayed the incident in a movie called The Philadelphia Experiment.

It began with research from Nikola Tesla that was then modified to be used for negative control. It deals with manipulating the earths magnetic fields to control us and effect the time line. A huge problem occurred in 1943. A huge rift was opened in the earths protective shield. In 1983 our government tried to fix the gaping hole in an experiment called the Montauk Experiment. They only made it worse.

What affects the earth affects us. 

Many of our memory problems have to do with the changing magnetics of the earth. When the poles shift, our memories are affected.

Tampa Florida’s main runway was shut down in January of 2011 to realign with the current north pole location. These latest changes are the most dramatic in a century. The pole had been moving to the northeast at about 9 miles per year in 1904. Since 2007 it has been racing towards Siberia.

The North pole is moving at nearly 40 miles a year.

What do we do?

Each one of us has a protective field surrounding us, sometimes called the merkaba field. Our memories as well as our emotional bodies are tied to the earth’s magnetic fields. If this field goes to zero and you have no protection, you loose your memories.

It is vital that we preserve our personal merkaba field if we want to retain our memories.

In an unprotected state we are easily reprogramed for any use the governments may choose to impose on us.

It then falls to us to take control over our lives and our earth. This balance is best done by the heart energy. We need to get out of our heads and into our hearts. The energy of the heart is exponentially more powerful than our brains. When we are in our hearts, our merkaba field is energized and enlarged. Our inner peace is reflected to others and their merkaba field is strengthened.

I am continually amazed at the enlightened souls that are all around us. When the need arises, the teacher will arrive.

Synchronicities will begin to manifest in your life when you are in your own personal merkaba field. This personal field is where real time travel is possible. Access to all information, past, present and future is waiting to awaken us to our real potential. It has always been there for us to access.

Time and space is no longer the barrier. 

Scotty? 

Beam me up?

We are only limited by our own thoughts.

I still have a few clocks around the house, they are a reminder of my past. 

My future is my own.

Hunter

I watched the British version of Pollyanna tonight on Public Television. It reminded me of the Disney version but without so much Hollywood. It helped me renew my positive outlook on life again.

I was forced to shoot a beautiful hawk today. Uncle from next door came hurriedly to my back door with news that he had rescued one of my chickens from the claws of a hawk. Another minute and the talons would have squeezed the life out of my little friend. My little bantam chicken didn’t stand a chance against the much larger bird of prey. 

I bought a small 410 shotgun specifically to use here in Escalante. As a livestock owner I have the right to protect my animals from predators. You must use a shotgun here in city limits. 

As I glanced at the frightened little bantam, I could see the hawk sitting on the fence getting ready to go after another chicken.

I had seen this hawk several days ago fly into the neighbors yard trying to catch a dove with no success. I know that the hawk was following it’s instinct in wanting to find a meal. 

The hawk swooped down on the larger chicken but missed it and it landed back on the fence. As I approached the hawk, it looked at me but didn’t fly away. I walked within 25 feet and stopped with the hawk in my sights. 

I gave up hunting nearly 20 years ago because I couldn’t bring myself to kill for sport. I tried to rationalize for several years saying that it was to provide food for my family. After taking vacation days and spending way too much on equipment and supplies, my meat cost me a lot more than buying it.

This is the first time in almost 20 years that I have intentionally killed an animal or a bird. 

I looked into its eyes and with a brief hesitation, I pulled the trigger. I felt a sadness at having to kill such a beautiful bird. I looked at the now dead eyes and the rumpled feathers and the large strong talons and the sharp beak and thought how beautiful it looked when it was alive. It flew with such grace and agility.

I try to find a place of harmony in my life and this small but significant to me, choice of killing one to preserve another has made an impact on me.

I went out into nature today and walked on the land, watching the birds and enjoying the warmth of the sunshine on my face. It was cool today with the breeze but felt so invigorating to be in the quiet countryside. 

I thought about my life and the people that have attacked me at times in my life. They must have felt they had good reasons. 

Later I stopped to see a neighbor and was given such an angry look that I felt much like that little bantam chicken, I could almost feel the talons piercing my flesh.

It was good to watch Pollyanna tonight. Life can bring such challenges to us, sometimes in our fear or anger we strike out at those closest to us or those we don’t understand. 

I want to always act in kindness when others may strike at me. It is not easy. 

Sometimes I fail and react instead. 

The difference that one person can make can change the whole community. 

I would rather walk away than face a fight, but sometimes we are forced to make a choice between survival or death. 

How far would we go to protect our way of life? 

Would we kill? 

Would we be killed? 

I can’t judge another’s choice to protect his family or his home. 

What about the oil that we import to heat our homes and run our cars? 

Would we kill for that?

What about our lifestyle?

Our religion?

The color of our skin?

The language that we speak?

Each day we make choices, and those choices make us who we are.

To speak kind words in any language brightens everyone’s day.

The sharing of our time and wisdom could do much to smooth an angry soul.

Being tolerant and even supportive of another’s beliefs even though they may wear different kind of clothes could make this world a better place.

Allowing for new ideas and giving up our addictions to oil would help to heal our Mother Earth.

I will remember that beautiful hawk for a long time.

The beauty and grace of its soaring flight in the sky.

I will also remember the lifeless stillness of its death.

Doorways and stone plates

 Doorways and stone plates

I walked into Pioneer Provisions in Ephriam because I was curious. I wanted to see what kind of survival supplies they carried. 

It was 1994, I was talking with my wife about the movie we had just seen. It was a Sci-Fi movie called Stargate. The story line unfolds with an ancient device being uncovered that allows travel between worlds.

I must have been talking loud enough to be overheard because the owner asked me some questions about the movie. I excitedly reviewed the plot while we stood in the store. He listened patiently, then asked if I wanted to learn about some local artifacts.

I said I did. 

Several days later I went to his house and he told me his story.

Jerry had grown up in Sanpete Valley mostly alone. Family life for him had been lonely, he spent most of his time exploring the mountains surrounding the valley. He brought out some metal plates that he found and showed them to me. I examined each one as he handed them to me. They looked old and were covered with unfamiliar markings.

Jerry had been in the military. He had done some work in the middle east. He had a gift. The government recognized his natural ability to read ancient languages and used his skills.

Jerry told me that he had translated these plates. Each tiny plate contained about a chapter of information.

I asked him if the plates ever contained information that he didn’t agree with. He said, yes. I asked him what he did when that happened. He said, I don’t write that part down. 

He asked if I wanted to see where he found them, of course I said yes. We set up a time for our next meeting. He took me behind the Manti Temple. There along the old quarry were hundreds of petroglyphs, some faint, others bold and easy to see. He showed me the most prominent petroglyphs and said that they contained information that told him where to find other stone tablets. As we walked along the cliff he showed me many markings and then read them.

He took us on a walk along to top of the cliff and pointed out ancient stone pools. He showed us a large stone that had some notches. When you sighted along the markings, they pointed to a place across the valley holding more records.

Then the most curious thing happened. He told us that we had just passed a “doorway.”  He wouldn’t say exactly where it was but he told us a story. 

He said, one day he was walking along the dirt road and noticed a shimmering around this area. He said it looked like heat waves rising from the ground. When he walked closer it opened up into a kind of tunnel. Being curious, he ventured inside and followed a passage towards a light at the other end. He stepped out into the light and found himself nearly 30 miles from Manti near Fountain Green.

He told us there were other doorways in the valley. 

I have walked by that area many times in the years since and I have never seen the doorway. He told me that there was no magic involved. He even allowed someone else to go into the doorway with instructions not to go into any of the other corridors. He said if a person were meant to use the corridors the door would open.

There are many doorways here on the earth. Some are used to travel the earth while others are used to travel the universe. There are many ways to travel both externally and internally. 

When we are ready, the way is clear ...

Dream Catcher

Dream Catcher

I first became intrigued with dream catchers when I was exploring my Native American connections. I was living near Wathena, Kansas in a farmhouse that was built around 1850. The land was originally homesteaded by the Rice family and still belonged to them. The house had been remodeled but still retained many of the original features. The location was selected because of the spring that was on the property. During dry years, farmers would bring their wagons here to fill their barrels with water. When I moved there in 1996 with my wife, we spent several months cleaning the property and exploring the 400 acres that was in our back yard.

Several months before moving there I had gone on a scouting trip with my wife Pearlene and sister in law, Aloma. We were living at Lake Viking in Missouri. A friend told us about Wathena and we wanted to see the area ourselves. 

We drove through St. Joseph, Missouri and crossed over the Missouri River to Kansas. This is a farming community filled with rolling hills of corn, soy beans, and maize. It is also Indian country. Wathena is named after a well-known chief of the Kickapoo Indians who settled on this land in 1852. Kansas was named after the Kansa. A southwestern Siouan tribe. Northeastern Kansas remains home to four Indian reservations inhabited by members of the Potawatomi, Kickapoo, Sac and Fox, and Iowa tribes.

As we drove East along highway 36 toward Wathena we knew something special was about to happen. When Pearlene and Aloma got together with a common goal in mind, magic happened. This day was no different from the other adventures that we had all experienced together. 

There was a kind of energetic anticipation that we could all feel. 

When the energy began to form around us, it felt like we were entering into a time warp.

“Turn left here,” I was instructed. 

Down Monument Road we went. The pavement ended after a few miles and we found ourselves traveling a dirt road used by the farmers. To the left was the Missouri River gently winding around the hills. We passed a spring on the right that was flowing along the road. It was summer time and the trees were green and lush. The hillsides were covered in redbud trees, their red leaves blending with the dense undergrowth of the lush countryside.

“Can you feel it?”

“What?”

“The energy.”

“Yes.”

We could all feel the energy. The scenery went slightly out of focus and then came back into focus as we moved through a meadow.

There was a shift in our perceptions. It felt like we were entering a different time. 

“Turn right here,” they both said together. 

“Can you see it?” Said Aloma. She was visually psychic and could see the energy forming.

“No, but I can feel it,” said my wife. Pearlene could feel the mounting energy.

Up the hill we went. 

When we get to the top of the hill, “turn left,” I was told.

We traveled down Sheridan Lane south for a couple of miles while both Pearlene and Aloma became more and more animated. 

“I remember this area,” said Aloma and Pearlene.

I had to admit that it did look somehow familiar.

“Stop!”

“This is where we lived.”

We all got out of the car and looked out over the hillside. The green rolling hills of the Kansas countryside was beautiful. Trees covered the hills, grass grew everywhere, to our left we could see the Missouri River snaking its way through the low lying hills. It was a beautiful scenic overlook.

“I remember this area,” they both said together. 

“Our tipi was over there.” 

“We were a family together.”

I listened as they described different parts our lifetime. It was like hearing a story for the first time, but knowing that it was all true at the same time. 

Aloma was the Chief. Pearlene was Medicine Woman for the tribe. Native villagers would come for healing and council. When the time came for Pearlene to leave, I couldn’t bear the separation. As her son I was next in line to become Medicine Man. She promised we would be together again. With that promise, she entered a starship and left.

Each of us had contributed part of the story. We each fell silent as we contemplated the events that we had just relived. We looked over the beauty of the land and stood there for a long moments. The shimmering of the sun and the gentle breeze added to the magic we felt that day.

We were under the spell of that day for the next few months. It was no wonder that we ended up living just a few miles from this area. There was a blending of time and  space for me there in Kansas. We spent the next 4 years in that farmhouse. I revisited that hillside many times and discovered many more vortexes that connected me with more otherworldly memories.

Our landlord decided to harvest some walnut trees from our 400 acres for gun stocks. The part they used came from the small area where the main trunk branched off into the branches.  Much the tree was wasted and left behind. I went out and got some of the walnut branches and made staffs. I took the trunks and made several drums. 

I learned how to make dream catchers during this time and made numerous ones as part of my rediscovery process. This was my way of reconnecting with forgotten memories.

I still have some of my dream catchers. I put them up in my house as a reminder of other times. They serve as a useful method to focus a blessing on me and my house.

A dream catcher is a spider web design on a willow or wooden loop. It is decorated with beads, feathers, and other personal items to protect the individual from harmful dreams, visions, or spells that may be directed toward an individual. The Souix believe that a dreamcatcher only allows the good dreams to filter through. Bad dreams would stay in the web, disappearing with the light of day. Good dreams would pass through and slide down the feathers to the sleeper.

They must work, I have used them for many years. First as a decoration and then as a focused intention of protection. My dreams are often filled with wonderment and instruction. They reconnect me. I am entertained and taught. My totem birds are the Red Tail Hawk and the Owl. My prayer for feathers was answered many times as I traveled along the highways in Kansas. Road Kill. These feathers help form the matrix of my personal dream catcher.

My dreams help to form the realities that are manifest in my outward world.

My upward causation is focused on creating harmony and peace in this time of change and transition.

Blessings to all from Wind in our Heart.