I had a pleasant conversation this week with some new friends, except that they seem like old friends. You know the kind, you have an instant connection and feel like you have known them forever?
I helped them with a small repair project in their cabin in the mountains.
We mostly talked about life and our experiences and lessons.
In the course of that conversation I made a bold statement to them.
I said that I had lived a full life, that if my life were to end now, I would be satisfied.
I have loved, traveled, worked and played and feel confident that I have taken care of loose ends and any past karma.
Months ago I told the Universe that if I had done everything that I had agreed to do, I was ready to die. I stipulated that if they want me to remain, that I must keep my body healthy and mind sharp. I made the condition that if that changed dramatically, I would initiate the act myself. Nothing drastic, but I would go into the mountains or the desert and disappear.
I meant it.
I still mean it.
It may seem extreme to some but I will not allow myself to deteriorate into dementia or a rest home.
It’s just the way I am.
Of course there are things that I would like to still do, like skydiving, bungee jumping, scuba diving, travel, sharing my life with someone special, and discovering the meaning of life.
In the course of my life, I have let go of hurts, fears, expectations, and judgements.
This has allowed me to find joy in simple things, appreciating people for who and what they have become, savoring the quiet moments and pleasures of life, and looking for the good in all things.
I no longer choose to seek after things at the expense of others.
I have found the peace within, and that is enough.
So, what’s ahead?
One day at a time.
Finding joy in a sunrise.
Helping a friend.
Finding fulfillment in a child's laughter.
But, If you should hear that I am no longer here, do not weep for me, do not mourn my passing.
I have lived a full and glorious life and you being a part of that experience has made me a better person.
Until that time, you will find me most days at home watching the grass grow or at the hardware store helping someone with a project.
Don’t panic if I don’t answer the phone or answer the door. I have a note on the front door.
It reads, No answer? ... check the hammock on the back porch.
And If I am not there?
Listen for me in the wind, for that is where I will be.
