This old House

My Guides have always been close to me, even though I sometimes distanced myself from them.

I decided a long time ago that if I was going to follow a spiritual path and trust in my guides that I was going to do it 100%.

It has been the way I have lived for 20 years, and I have never been disappointed in my path.

Following a spiritual path is like listening to a quiet little voice inside. 

Sometimes I have to concentrate to hear the message.

Mostly it comes as a feeling.

It has been a year and a half since my wife of 17 years died.

It has been a lonely time, but a time to heal and adjust.

My mother is spending a few days with me here in Escalante. She has been part of this home for over 60 years. She now lives in Provo in a comfortable home.

I brought her down to spend a week in the old family home.

She fixed one of her home cooked meals and I enjoyed every bit of it.

She may not be here in a few more years so it has been special to have her here.

We were both commenting on this old house and the comfortable feeling that we feel here.

I remembered the circumstances that brought me here.

I was brought to this house because of a feeling.

I was sitting on a Beach on the Big Island of Hawaii when I noticed it.

It was a homesick feeling. 

I asked my wife if she was feeling anything about Escalante. 

She said, “yes.”

“I was waiting for you to get the message.”

That’s the way it usually happened.

She got it first and patiently waited for me.

So here in Hawaii, on the beach with a gorgeous sunset, my guides decided to let me know it was time to return to the mainland.

I had the perfect job. I was a caretaker for a Hawaiian coffee estate. 

My job was to feed the cat and write the checks. Occasionally I would pick up guests at the airport and bring them back to the House. 

We had a separate Ohana that was fully furnished and totally private.

A dream job.

Why now?

Why do you want me to move? I asked.

It was just a feeling, but it was so strong that I couldn’t  ignore it.

You will understand in time, was the message.

I called my family and asked them if they would like a caretaker for the Escalante property. 

I spent the last several summers there taking care of the place. It is a peaceful and quiet place most of the time.

We all agreed. 

We began the task of bringing in a new couple to take over.

In a few weeks we were headed back to Salt Lake City.

It was cold when we arrived in February. I had just been in paradise with shorts and flippers, and now Snow?

I asked myself again. 

Why?

The feeling was so strong.

I spent some time with family and then headed to New Mexico to do some long promised projects that were on hold.

I finally arrived in Escalante on April 1. 

The roof leaked and the door was stuck shut. Luckily I found a window that was unlocked and pushed my wife through.

We were so excited to be here at last. 

As I busied myself with the outside, my wife worked on the inside. 

It felt like we had to hurry to get things in order. 

I had been paying storage fees on our furniture for 3 years. It was time to open up the doors and see what we had forgotten in that time.

On the way to the storage unit in Manti Utah, I noticed a rope on the side of the road. I stopped and backed up. A perfectly good rope. 

A sign?

I thought to myself, huh!

We were going to just get a few things to bring back, but this feeling was building and I blurted out, Lets just get a big truck and bring everything back.

My wife agreed.

Two days later we were on our way to Escalante. I only had two days on the rental and so I unloaded everything the night we arrived in Escalante.

That night the phone rang.

Your father died.

We were both stunned.

We dropped off the truck and headed North for the funeral.

It was all a blur.

Death altars perception of events and time.

We bought some trees. 

I wanted to do a memorial for my Father.

When we got to the top of the blues, before entering the Escalante valley, we stopped and said a prayer of thanks for our safe journey. 

The mountains seemed to be saying, “We have been waiting for you. Welcome home.”

The feeling was overwhelming and both of us were in tears.

The task of unpacking and organizing was a joy. I found many things that I had forgotten. 

This old house absorbed all our things and we blended together the old with the new. 

We both felt like we had come home at last.

  I even threw away the boxes.

It was three months later in June, when she felt the excruciating pain for the first time.

Vertigo.

Nausea.

She lost 30 pounds in such a short time. 

We had discussed what we would do if something like this happened. 

I asked her again. Do you want to see a doctor?

Her answer was the same.

No.

It began with a small lump in Hawaii.

We talked about it then.

Her answer was no then, too.

I was out in the garden when my guides told me to prepare myself for her death.

Why? 

Why is this happening now?

You brought us here.

You welcomed us here.

Now, you are going to take her?

We didn’t tell our families until it was so obvious that we could no longer hide it.

Breast cancer.

She lived in Northern Arizona during the Nuclear testing of the 50’s and 60’s. 

She was a downwinder.

I only had two weeks to prepare.

We called family members and told them that this would be a good time to say their goodbyes to their mother.

They also knew her feelings about doctors and hospitals.

As each family arrived, we brought them into the bedroom and allowed them to visit and say their goodbyes.

This old house held nearly 35 people and for a few days we were bathed in spiritual light.

We laughed. 

We cried. 

Then we withdrew and allowed her to die.

We celebrated her life with a living memorial.

I am still asking myself, Why?

I don’t know the answer.

I feel her often. 

I can sense her thoughts.

This old house has become a place of peace and reflection.

My guides brought me here for a reason. 

I believe that.

I am in a holding pattern.

Thats what it feels like.

Writing helps me to put sense in my life.

I am listening closely to my spiritual family.

Waiting for clues or messages.

I don’t know what the future holds but I am at peace until I do know.

“You will understand in time.”

Mother Ghost

I had a moment tonight

        One of those connecting times when heaven and earth conspired together to let me know that they love me.

I’ve been feeling a bit blue and lonely today.

I checked my email.

I checked the news. 

There was little happening.

I finished my simple meal and decided to turn on the TV and get lost.

I turned on Netflix and the first thing I saw was a movie called Mother Ghost.

It looked vaguely familiar so I decided to watch.

It is a story about a grieving man who calls in to a radio talk show. 

“Dr Norris” helps him to open up and share the grief he is feeling.

I watched this show with a different perspective tonight. 

My Father died almost 2 years ago.

My Wife died a year and a half ago.

They were both living when I watched this the first time.

I probably made light of all the tears in the movie the first time and did my man thing and toughened my emotions.

Tonight was a different scene.

My heart has gone through a mighty transition. I no longer hold the tears back. I was bawling like a child at one point.

I feel no shame in tears.

I had done all the things that “Keith” did on the movie.

I expressed anger at my abandonment.

I shouted at God.

I cried in grief.

I buried my emotions.

I felt cheated at not getting the closure that I needed.

The difference between me and “Keith” is that in these last months I have addressed all these issues on my own.

Months of quiet solitude have given me the time and peace to work through all these negative emotions in the way that was perfect for me.

I have reflected some of these experiences in my stories.

I thank you for being patient with me and listening.

I am sure I have put a few dents in Heavens door with all my words.

The last and final act for me was to let them go, to tell them that I love them and to forgive them for dying. 

It was not a fault of anyone that they died.

Their bodies were no longer able to sustain their spirits and they left.

There is no more pain.

No more loss of body functions.

They are happy and tonight they let me feel their presence.

My Dad is here with me.

My Wife is here with me.

There is a special feeling with me. 

I no longer feel blue.

I am loved, I can feel the connection from them.

They are here and so many more.

I am not alone.

We are not alone. 

Heaven and Earth watch over us very carefully and the link is always open.

It’s Better than drugs.

It’s Better than food.

Tonight I only thought I was here alone.

This little miracle in my life tonight has reminded me of something that I had forgotten for a moment.

Thank you once again Beloved Ones. 

You are amazing.

Every once in a Blue Moon

Every once in a Blue Moon you may have an opportunity to step outside of time and experience a magical journey.

Do your life a favor and do it.

My old friend Intuition opened that door for me. 

He has made all the difference.

For the last 4 weeks I have lived in a dream. That dream is now real because I chose to follow my heart. It led me to a new destination far away from my planned weekend visit.

My regular life was put on hold I was given the opportunity to live in the moment. 

I connected on a heart level with dear friend.  We were children when I last saw her.

We shared parts of our past, laughed at life’s journey, and talked about what is ahead.

It is a rare treat to find someone from your star family who understands without speaking words.

I felt the veils open many times on this journey.

Each time new insights would be learned. 

I felt the presence of many family members who had crossed over. At times the room felt crowded because there were so many who wanted to be part of this moment.

Tears were a frequent visitor on this emotional journey as my heart was opened and I joined with so many old and dear friends from the unseen realms.

I would like to see with these human eyes, but for now I am content with my heart connection.

Seeing with new eyes from the heart is an amazing way to live.

Events of the world seem far away. The mundane is a distant memory. Each experience is a new opportunity to learn, to enjoy, to let go of inhibitions and feel free to be me.

I still feel the pull from my old life. It is hard to let go of the familiar. 

On another journey long ago, I chose to have a “Give a way.” I followed a native american tradition and called family and friends. I told them I had accumulated many things that were no longer necessary or wanted in my life. I told them that these possessions were acting as an anchor and were limiting my ability to be free. 

That choice was a life changing moment.

With new eyes and new heart I began anew.

Every step of my journey is my journey. 

I am no longer asking myself, 

“When am I going to get there?” 

Living in the moment ... For the moment.

Multitasking?

I am still working to free myself from that old habit.

I cheat myself when I allow this old enemy to win.

Savoring the sounds of silence... 

Allowing myself to feel emotion...

Feeling passion in life...

Letting go of inhibitions and old programing...

These are my new friends and together with true and tried friends I will continue my journey. 

I part today with my companion of these past weeks. It is sad to let go but we are now reconnected at the heart. My journey will be lighter as I continue on.

My life will never be regular, I have given myself permission to live life fully.

... In the moment, for the moment.

Every once in a Blue Moon the doorway opens ...

I am ready to journey ...

Dear One

DEAR ONE  

... My heart goes out to you in your feelings and experience of loss. 

This loss of spirit may be your time of the dark night of the soul. It is a place where all your fears are confronted. It is very different for each person and affects us in a very profound way. 

Our earthly experience has created many scars on our soul as we encounter life’s challenges. 

Unresolved issues often lead to physical and emotional challenges in our lives. 

They weaken our body and spirit and allow sickness and disease to enter. 

These are warning signs of danger. 

We are not in balance, much the same as a washing machine that is overloaded.

If we do not stop and rebalance the load, damage is done and we are broken. 

It may take a professional repair person to reset us and bring us back into balance.

This perceived disconnection in our spirit and soul is a process of alignment and rebalancing.

You recognized this feeling and are responding with a call for help.

Before the repairs can be done, it is necessary to disassemble down to your basic components.

Filters need to be cleaned, repaired or replaced.

New belts or updated components need to be added.

Be patient with yourself.

The dark night of the soul is a confrontation: 

with all our fears, 

with all our insecurities, 

with all our hurts,

       and unresolved issues.

We are broken.

The experts are assessing the damage and recommending a method of treatment.

Listen to your heart. 

Find a place of solitude.

Go into your sacred space. 

Ask for answers from your guides.

This is not an easy journey.

Be prepared to see the hidden past.

Accept it as a teacher.

Embrace your inner self and allow yourself to feel the pain. 

You may need to revisit that painful experience. 

This time, be an observer. 

See it from a safe place.

We have allowed layers and layers of gauze to bind our wounds. Unwrap these wounds, examine them, see the damage. Allow yourself to remember the experience.

Thank these wounds for teaching you.

Forgive yourself.

Forgive others.

Create a ceremony. 

Write your story on a piece of paper, detail each part with your feeling center. 

Once you are satisfied that it contains a full and accurate account, burn the paper.

Celebrate your new found freedom.

You may need to do this many times.

It will take time to open each wound, 

examine, 

observe, 

and release it.

Be patient.

Love yourself.

Appreciate and give gratitude for your new perspective.

Life is not easy. 

We agreed to each experience.

Each lesson.

Those who become our most profound teachers sometimes take on the role of: 

Perpetrator

Violator

Abuser

Rapist

Murderer

Dictator

President

Religious Leader

FORGIVE THEM ALL

LEARN FROM THE EXPERIENCE

HELP OTHERS WHO ARE SUFFERING

THEN:

CREATE THE LIFE YOU WOULD LIKE TO HAVE

LIVE THE DREAMS

EAT YOUR DESSERT FIRST

TRUST

LOVE

LIVE EACH DAY AS IF IT IS YOUR LAST

SPIRIT WILL RETURN 

YOU WILL SEE LIFE WITH NEW COLORS

YOU WILL SEE WITH NEW VISION

I SEND MY LOVE

MY SUPPORT

AND MY PRAYERS.

YOU ARE NEVER ALONE

I SEE YOU!

I SEE YOU!

As a young child my favorite instrument was the vacuum hose. I would purse my lips and blow to make the hose vibrate. It is something I did as an adult too ... when no one was looking. 

I was given a didgeridoo as a gift last year. I have been practicing and experimenting with the different sounds that it produces. I blow into the long wooden tube with my lips until I match the resonance of the didgeridoo. When I feel the vibrations of the tube it makes the most amazing sounds.

My music library has an assortment of world music using the didgeridoo. The sounds evoke memories from somewhere in my past. It’s like a dream memory.

Escape to Witch Mountain is a science fiction novel written by Alexander Key in 1968. It was adapted into a film in 1975 by Disney. 

It is the story about two siblings who have special abilities. They have suppressed memories of their past, but discover a clue in an old road map hidden in a star case. With help they run away from a detention center and follow the map's clues towards the Mountains. As their memories begin to return, they realize that they are of extraterrestrial origin. 

I recently started watching a television series called Secret Circle.  The series revolves around six teenagers who form a Circle. Each have individual powers which are amplified when they gather together and focus their abilities. It is their combined resonance that empowers the group.

Many of my own personal experiences are spontaneous. It is a combination of the place, the people and the timing.

When all come together, the resonance begins to vibrate in my body and soul.

It is a physical sensation accompanied by a spiritual connection to my Higher Self or God Self. 

My behavior changes depending on those who are part of the group.

I have been part of a unique dynamic this past week. In following my heart and stepping out of my regular routine, I have watched this energy flow in abundance.

Each person has a unique set of abilities or gifts. As we grow and learn, we can develop these gifts. Some could be called extra sensory perception, or ESP. They are part of our software. 

When we vibrate at these higher frequencies, we connect to a unique energy matrix that amplifies our thoughts and actions. 

When we resonate with others who are of similar origin, our gifts are exponentially increased.

We are empowered to:

Read another’s thoughts. 

Sense feelings and emotions 

Knowing when events are going to happen.

Remembering of past, present and future events.

I am of extraterrestrial origin. I am not native to this planet. I have been here for many lifetimes, but this is not my home. There are many others who are also beginning to remember their true origins. When I see them or feel their presence, I sense a resonance in my own being.

Not everyone is ready to step out of their comfort zone and acknowledge this connection. 

Our human experience has clouded our memories of who we really are. 

We are Unlimited Beings who are here on this earth temporally to expand our understanding of the Human Experiment, and to add to our library of knowledge.

I am reaching resonance with my star family. As the vibrations of the Matrix increase, I am remembering who I am and what I am capable of accomplishing.

My suppressed memories of the past are returning.

Who am I?

Who are you?

Step into the matrix ...

I SEE YOU! 

The Wish

The Wish

... Dear God, I have loved this house so much, thank you for allowing me to care for her, to clean her, to plant flowers to beautify her. I felt your peace and protection and love here. I want the next owner to love her as I have. 

... Hello Bobby, Thank you for the heads up. I am excited for my next adventure. I loved the painting, cleaning and moving rocks and trees and all the building I was able to do here in this home. It feels like you are showing me a new star to follow. Before I go, would you make sure that others appreciate this house the way I did?

... Oh please, let me find a house this time. I have missed out on the other houses because I was not quick enough. I have been looking for months and I am tired and want to go home. Can you help me?

... I have to go see my Daddy this weekend so I won’t get to help my Mommy look for houses. Can you help her? I would like a house on a Cul De Sac, close to my new school. Thank you.

... Dear God, I will miss my friends and neighbors when they move, I would really like to have some more good neighbors, we live so close together with our houses built the way they are. Please help.

I watched a miracle unfold when I moved from Albuquerque in 2007. Both of us felt that familiar voice speak to us, first to my wife and then to me. We discussed our feelings and the options we had. 

It was time to move. 

Lessons had been learned, adventures were lived, and now it was time to discover what lie ahead. 

Before we could begin our new journey our home needed to be sold. It was a miracle when we found this house, everything fell into place. We bought for a good price in a good neighborhood. We had open space all around. Our back gate opened onto a bike and walking path with a park and lake. It was heaven for us.

Watching TV one night I heard a story about a Home Sellers Kit.

I was intrigued. 

I called around and found one at the Catholic book store. 

I read the instructions and left it on the kitchen counter. Several days later I noticed it was gone and discovered my wife had buried it in the back yard.

The Home Sellers Kit contains a small statue of St Joseph, the patron saint of homes. The instructions said to say a prayer of intent and bury the small figure in the yard upside down. 

I thought, why not? 

We contacted the real estate agent and set everything up. He was surprised at my asking price. 

“My dream was very specific about the price,” I told him. 

“You are way over the market value for your home.”

“I don’t care, that is what I feel.”

“OK”

Our home was put on the market Sunday afternoon. The first call came less than an hour later.

“I just saw your pictures, can I please come and see your home?”

“The home isn’t being shown until tomorrow.”

“I have to see it tonight.”

“OK, come on over.”

She spent an hour outside, looking at each flower and  animal figure. She sat on the swing and marveled at the rocks that I had hauled from all over the state. She asked about the garden area and the walking path and park. She noticed the school at the end of our Cul De Sac. She walked in the house with the same attention to every window, room, and fireplace.

“I want it,” she announced.

The second call that night came an hour later.

“I have to come tonight,” he said.

“I want it,” he said as he left our courtyard.

We got 3 more calls the next day. My wife called me and said the buyers were bidding against each other and the offers exceeded my dream number. She said the realtor had warned if they went too high the banks might deny the loans.

We both felt a special feeling about the first woman and agreed to let her have it.

It was only a few days later that we got the rest of the story and the full impact of this miracle on so many lives.

My Wife’s wish came true. All her efforts and love she had placed in the home and yard were loved and appreciated.

My work and improvements were noticed with all the potential buyers bidding against each other.

Joreens prayers were answered with our home and environment. She was finally able to come home.

Joreen’s son got his wish of a Cul De Sac and his school being so close.

Adelina, is now good friends with her new neighbors. She can rest in peace.

St Joseph?

He is still buried somewhere in the yard, watching and protecting. 

He is waiting patiently to grant the wishes of a sincere heart.

Union

Union

Another Epiphany took place in my life today. 

I was sharing some of my life with my cousin today, it has been 40 years since I last saw her, so we are catching up on life events. It was while we were sharing that this epiphany took place.

Birth and Death are events that impact all of us. When a baby enters our world and family either by personal experience or extended family, our lives are enriched with that new presence. We share our lives with them and they share their spirit and essence with us.

We become more like them and they become more like us.

When someone dies who is close to us we grieve because of our loss and separation.

It is because of this perceived loss and disconnection that we experience sadness and loneliness.

My sadness, 

My tears, 

My emotional response, 

My memories, 

These are all connection to that person.

I am just now beginning to recognize that when I have a thought about my wife or father or grandparent who has passed on, I am reconnecting with them on a very profound level. My emotional body recognizes this and my tears begin to well up, my heart begins to expand, the outer world moves slightly out of focus and I find myself in an altered state of mind. It is during this connection that I am able to perceive the profound thoughts and wisdom from them. They have merged with me, and I, with them. 

I feel Union.

       I am connected to their love and very essence. 

I haven’t lost these people in my life, they have now become an intimate part of me.

I have interpreted this feeling as loss. 

I have been wrong.

This feeling is Connection.

Connection to Spirit.

Connection to God.

Connection with my Higher Self.

Connection to Family.

When I am in this state I feel uninhibited and free and inspired and full of joy and full of life.

My new found realization can now be a celebration of each experience as Oneness with them.

There is no longer a feeling of sadness.

I rejoice at my newly defined relationships.  

They are reminders that my relationships have been, and always will be ...

Forever.