Black and White

I watched a program last night called John Doe. It is based on the life of a man who has lost his memories and is desperately trying to find clues from anyone who might be able to help him. He has another disadvantage in not being able to see colors. He is color blind. The plot of the movie allows him to see occasional colors when he begins to get closer to people or places that connect him to his past. The series is almost 10 year old and I found it on Hulu. I am on episode 7 now and find that I am drawn in by its main character, John.

John and I are much the same. I have learned many lessons in my life from the movies that I am drawn to watch. I missed this series when it came out 10 years ago. The timing is just right for me to see the messages now. The amazing thing about the universe and the world is the way in which we learn. When the student is ready, the teacher will arrive. 

I used to see the world in black and white, back when I thought I knew everything.  I lived for 2 years in New England, supported by my family and friends. I began with a polarized view of life and the teachings of only one way of life. I found myself involved in some very heated discussions about who was right and who was wrong. I was right, of course, and they were wrong. My view of right and wrong, good and evil, was based on my childhood experiences and the teachings I had been taught. 

I was handicapped in my understanding of life and the richness that life had to offer. I was color blind. Like John, I was drawn to experiences and people that could help me understand more about my true self.

Those two years were perfect in every way for me. It was a softening of my soul where a blending of many teachings began. Those 2 years were the beginning of my discovery of who I am. 

While watching the program I could feel my awareness shift, just enough to get my attention. I paused the show and listened to the quiet. This shifting of my awareness is one of the clues that alerts me to a teaching experience. I waited, anticipating the Ah-Ha moment. It didn’t materialize until this morning and my waking experience. The time between dream time and awake time. It is where I can sometimes reach back through the veil and retrieve some of the nights teachings. Many of my most profound teachings have come to me in the dreams of the night. The emotions are more vivid in those dream experiences. The clarity of the thoughts are amazing. I find I have to be quick to record the information in my conscious mind before it fades. This morning I was able to grasp the teaching of the night and realize that I am John Doe. At least I was. 

I had another Epiphany two days ago. It happened while I was walking down the lane across the creek. I had the sudden realization that Pearlene had given me a great gift in her death. It hit me hard and I wept. For long moments I allowed the tears to flow, with only the cows and the horses to witness this emotion. The sweet feelings of her love and comfort and presence were there with me. She whispered to me, “I did this for you.” 

“I died so that you might live. I wanted you to see the colors of life in all its variety. To experience the richness of emotions. You and I lived a life that was perfect for us, one of sharing and connection and love. It is now time for you to stop seeing the world in Black and White. Share your feelings and share the intimate experiences that we have lived. Allow others to see the richness of the Colors of life through your eyes. Open your heart and pour out the lessons that were heaven sent. I will always be with you, to walk with you and watch over you. My gift to you is the gift of the heart.  Your open heart can learn and grow and share and teach. Live in the heart and share from the heart. All the colors of the rainbow will beautify your life and bring joy and fulfillment that could not have been experienced while I was with you.”

The experiences of life are always multi faceted. There are many reasons for her death, only some that I am now beginning to see. This was her gift to me. The gift of sight, through the heart. I will continue to walk through life living from the heart. The colors are so much more vivid and intense. My connection to all the colors of the rainbow are giving me the experience of a lifetime ...