Dark Clouds ...

Have you ever noticed how some people always have some kind of drama going on around them? They seem to attract dark clouds that follow them through life. Remember the character from Charlie Brown, Pig Pen?  I am continually amazed at those who complain so much, that they are not able to see the hammer in one hand, while hitting their own thumb on the other hand. Then they wonder why their thumb hurts so much. 

I have noticed as I have gone through life that there is a wide variety of human beings on this planet. We are all different in our own way. We learn in our own way and we experience life in our own way. Most want to be loved, and cared about. Each of us wants to be accepted and appreciated by our associates.

I can see that over the years, my circle of friends have changed. Friends that I once thought would be there for me no matter what, are now gone. Some have moved away from me and some I have moved away from. Distance seems to be less of a barrier to keeping in touch with friends, now that the internet is here. We move for a variety of reasons, usually to dissociate ourselves from old friends, old jobs.  Sometimes to find new friends and new jobs. My definition of a true friend has been altered over the years. I can see that my current friends and I have the same interests. We talk about similar topics and laugh at the same kind of jokes. We feel comfortable to be able to cry together when life teaches us hard lessons. We love one another for who and what we have become. When I see my old friends, and hear about them and what they are doing, I don’t want to be around them anymore. They probably feel the same about me. It is a natural thing to surround yourself with things that you like, friends who make you feel good, foods that satisfy your hunger and hobbies that make life more enjoyable. 

When old friends contact me and want to catch me up on the events of their lives. I listen. They talk about the latest joke they have played on someone, they tell me about a movie that scared them to death. They talk about their poor health, doctors appointments, unfair family members and the coworkers they can’t stand. I wish them well in their lives and then leave.  I want to separate myself from them and these old ways. They are no longer a part of my life. Focusing and reliving the negative parts of our lives only strengthens those old ways and the dramas that seem to be never ending. It makes me sad to see these old friends so unhappy in their lives. They wonder why life has been so unfair to them.

I think back on my own life and the changes that I have made. There was a time when I thought the world was so unfair. I wanted a better car, a better job, more of this, more of that, and just plain more of everything. One day I stood out under the open sky, way out in a field in Kansas, and I cursed God.   “God Damn it!”   I said. “Why is my life so unhappy?  Why can’t I have all the things of this world that will make me happy?”   ...  That didn’t seem to help at all.

I watched the movie Pollyanna around that time. It was a kids movie, I thought, but I will watch it. It was the only thing on TV of interest. I watched as this positive child looked for the good in people, in life. Others made fun of her view of life, but she didn’t care.

I began to see where I had misinterpreted the events in my life. I could see the dark cloud trailing me and the dust from my own path obscuring my vision. It took months of change and processing before I could see the good in my own life again. The good had been there the whole time, I just couldn’t see it. It was all around me. I had allowed my own dust to obscure all the good that was in my life. It was a pivotal moment for me.  It took some major changes, most of them being my own perspective of life. Soon, I noticed that I was feeling better about myself and my work and my life. Others noticed too. It was a good feeling to finally feel good about my self again.

I still see my old friends occasionally. There is a dust cloud following them. I can see an old part of myself in them. The way I used to be. I want to say something to them and sometimes I do. I am careful when I do this because I don’t want my old friends to become enemies. I know that each of us must see for ourselves, and when it comes to a point in our lives where it just hurts too much to continue the old ways   ...   That is when we put down our hammer and change. For the better. Better for us, better for our friends and better for life.